Johnson, Clinton, and Trump are lost at sea. Who wins the election? America.

Between Trump and Clinton, who is more likely to start a nuclear war if elected president? America, with the missiles aimed at ourselves.

Russian Condoms! President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: ""Our largest condom factory has exploded!"" the Russian President cried; ""my people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"" ""Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,"" replied the President. ""I do need your help,"" said Yeltsin. ""Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"" ""Why certainly! I'll get right on it!"" said Clinton. …

Q: What did Boris Yelstin say when asked if meeting Clinton made want to convert Russia to the type of government they have in America? A: ""Never! I'm not going to let my wife run the country!!""