Clinton and Trump now enter the part of the election where they each have to spend a week looking after an egg with "America" written on it.

Johnson, Clinton, and Trump are lost at sea. Who wins the election? America.

Old Clinton joke President Clinton is visiting his home state of Arkansas and picks up two razorback pigs from a local breeder. As he's walking onto Air Force one with a pig under each arm he asks to the marine saluting him, ""you ever see such beautiful creatures in your whole life?"" ... ""No sir, I have not. If I may ask, sir, why did you get the pigs?"" Clinton responds, ""well I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea."" ... ""Excellent trade sir!!""

Russian Condoms! President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: ""Our largest condom factory has exploded!"" the Russian President cried; ""my people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"" ""Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,"" replied the President. ""I do need your help,"" said Yeltsin. ""Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"" ""Why certainly! I'll get right on it!"" said Clinton. …