Obama Jokes

What do you call a Nebraskan who hates Obama? A CORNservative.

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential Race.... and the people of the US hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted. The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: a literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the White House and the person with the best time would become president. Bernie Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, he takes about 24 minutes. …

If Obama said If President Obama said he was in favor of oxygen, republicans would suffocate themselves.

9/11 gave rise to ""Truthers"", Obama gave rise to ""Birthers"", so... ... would a movement to determine whether Hillary Clinton actually carries hot sauce in her purse be called ""Saucers""?

Obama, Clinton, and Trump are on a plane... .... Obama says, i can drop 1 $1,000 bill and make someone really happy! OK, Clinton says... I can drop 10 $100 bills and make 10 people really happy. I got you, Trump says... I can drop 100 $10 bills and make 100 people happy! The pilot pops his head around the corner and says ""I can drop one plane and make a 155 million people happy"".

Bernie Sanders and Obama are sitting at a table playing some euchre against Putin and Hitler... Hillary Clinton walks up and says, ""Oh fun! Me and Bill have next game. What's Trump?"" Bernie replies ""A Biggot.""d Obama snickers ""A Racist."" Putin scuffles ""A Puppet."" Hitler smiles and says ""A Visionary.""

JFK put a man on the moon Obama put a man in a woman's bathroom

Obama and Bush walk into a bar... ...Clinton ducked.

Once upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach. One kid's parents were good business people. The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders. The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father. Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water. They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him. As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama. The president then said, ""Thank you kids for saving me! I'…

Comedy News 6 23 16 Republicans voted down 4 bills to restrict automatic weapons from those on the terrorist watch list. Your NRA lobbyist dollars at work! There's now a line of non-alcoholic wine for cats. It goes great with their dinner jacket and ascot! Cat wine has to be non-alcoholic. When they get drunk they get so pretentious and arrogant! O'Bama wants to own an NBA team. If there's poetic justice it won't be the Wizards, & the Bulls fit him perfectly! Today's the birthday of mathemat…

If Trump replaces Obama as president, Then it will be the first time a white billionaire moves into government subsidized housing after a black family moved out. Edit: Billionaire

The 2016 Election The election was in such shambles that none of the US citizens were voting, there was a nation wide boycott of the election. Since no one was voting there had to be a way to decide who the next president was going to be. It was agreed that a foot race around The Whitehouse would determine the next president. The top three candidates were to race around The Whitehouse. Up first was Bernie Sanders. Being old and not used to exercising he struggled to get around, but finally poste…

Voting for the president ... At the day of election, no one showed up as they didn't see any good future for the great 'Murica. And as all the politicians stood baffled, Obama stepped in and made everyone agree to make a literal presidential race. The contest was to see who could get around the white house the fastest. Bernie started it out, but due to his age, he wasn't able to get a faster time than 27:05. Trump went second, being the great American he was, he got the time 14:56, which was qui…

Kennedy put a man on the moon.... Obama put a man in the ladies room.

A man dies and goes to heaven... St. Peter welcomes him and shows him many many clocks. ""There is a clock for every person on the Earth"" says St. Peter ""The hand moves a bit if the person lies. We even have all the politicians here. Obama, Bush and Trump."" ""And where is Hilary Clinton's clock?"" Asks the man. Peter answers: ""It's in my office, I use it as a fan.""

Obama was scheduled to visit a Catholic church... An aide to President Barack Obama visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral in Washington. He told the Cardinal that President Barack Obama would be attending the next mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Obama to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Obama a saint. The Cardinal replied, ""No. I don't really like the man, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of …

The presidential footrace Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11.

The Hillary Phone Just like the Obama Phone, but it deletes all of your emails.

Maybe we should put Obama on the $20 bill Then we would finally get the change he promised.

Why did the NSA spy on Germany ? Because after meeting with Merkel, they heard Obama say ""I'd tap that"".

Why is Obama left-handed? Because blacks have no rights

Netflix the clairvoyant! Donald Trump is raking in the votes and winning primaries like we haven't seen since 2008 when Obama started his sweep of the nation. Which proves that Netflix was right all along... Orange is the new Black.

Lifeguards wouldn't let Obama in the pool because he had weeping *legions*

So I heard Microsoft pulled the plug after their chat robot slung slurs, ripped Obama and denied the Holocaust... I guess there wasn't enough room for two Trumps in the Republican party.

You know what's Obama doing right now? He's Havana good time (sorry)