Microsoft Jokes

Breaking: Microsoft announces the Monkees catalog now available on Zune.

Microsoft Word just suggested that I change "you're" to "you is" so yes, I am very very afraid of what the future of education holds.

It was nice of Microsoft to put their name on Excel after satan created it.

I updated my drivers on my laptop and now I have all kinds of pop ups...thanks Microsoft!

Me: *wakes up screaming* Wife: What's wrong? Me: Nightmare with the Microsoft Word Paperclip Helper again Wife: Need some help? Me: AHHH

No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report. Snitches get stitches.

Bill Gates is giving 100k to help develop a better & safer condom. I don't care how good it is, im not wearing a condom that says Microsoft.

When you pick a name for your kid, type it in Microsoft Word first. If the red squiggly line shows up, please reconsider.

[job interview] Interviewer: are you familiar with microsoft word Me: yes i've heard that word many times

My Wife's nickname for me is "Microsoft" because I'm good with computers. RIGHT HONEY? Hold on guys, she's not done laughing.

If you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, because if you play it forwards, it installs Windows

using microsoft word *moves an image 1 mm to the left* all text and images shift. 4 new pages appear. in the distance, sirens.

Congratulations on being the kind of person who corrects the grammar of others, unsolicited. You're the Microsoft Word Paperclip.

My iPod started crying after I dropped it. I said "You'll be okay, stop syncing about it". We laughed & made jokes about Microsoft together.

*A burlap bag is pulled off your head, a bright spotlight is causing you to blink* WHERE DOES THE ARCHIVED MICROSOFT OUTLOOK EMAIL GO.

Dear Microsoft, If you had called it "Bang" instead of "Bing," you'd have destroyed Google. Example: I banged Sofia Vergara last night.

I think that an XBox is the closest thing to a "box" that most gamers have ever seen. Clever branding Microsoft.

I just had to add "velociraptor" to my Microsoft Word dictionary because apparently I missed the dinosaurs expansion pack or something.

I'm surprised Microsoft didn't resurrect Bing Crosby to counter Google's ad.

I accepted the Microsoft terms and conditions without reading them, and apparently I'm now responsible for hemming all of Bill Gates' pants.

A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew. A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner. Catholic: ""I have a large fortune....I am going to buy Citibank!"" Protestant: ""I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!"" Muslim: ""I am a fabulously rich prince.... I intend to purchase Microsoft!"" They then all wait for the Jew to speak.... The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee, looks at them and casually …

Windows vs. Ford At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 'If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.' In response to Bill's comment, Ford issued a press release stating: If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part): 1. For no …

A helicopter flying over Seattle,with all communication devices down.because of the fog and rain he lost his position. Desperate the pilot writes on a piece of paper ""Where am I?"" and sticks it on the windshield. He sees a tall building and surrounds it. The people inside see the note and hurry to help the pilot and they write on the window: "" You're inside a helicopter "". The pilot makes a loop and safely lands. Everybody is astonished and ask him how did he do it? He said when he saw the m…

So Microsoft bought skype for millions of dollars Idiots didn't know skype's free.

M$ forever! [oneliner] The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck, is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.