Microsoft Jokes

Bill Gates bumped into Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. Gates said: "I've seen some fabulous pictures of Divine Brown lately, I'd really like to get together with her some time. Any chance you could fix me up?" Grant said: "You have to remember that ever since that unfortunate incident with me, her prices have rocketed." "Money's no object," said Gates. "Now, what's her number?" So Gates phoned Divine Brown and set up a date. Afterwards, as they lay on the bed together, he turned to her and mumb…

Ever wondered what microsoft would look like if it built a car ? Hm.. It will of course have windows. A lot of high tech windows.And here are 2 things that I am pretty sure that microsoft will implement. • The airbag system would say, “Are you sure?” before going off. • To turn of the engine the driver would have to first press the start button ! LAWYER JOKES:

Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle in the surf. He pulls out the cork and a Genie appears. The Genie says, “I have been trapped for 100 years. As a reward you can make a wish.” Gates thinks about it as he carries the bottle back to his beach cottage. Once there, he goes to a bookshelf, pulls out an atlas and turns to a map of theMiddle East. This area has seen conflict and suffering for hundreds of years. What I wish for is peace in the Middle East. The Genie replies, “I don’t…

If Microsoft made cars... In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself, The GM CEO): If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: • For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. • Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. • Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart a…

Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed specifically for Windows. In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far are: GPF key - This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representative’s state that the purpose of the GPF ke…

Microsoft is trying to add some humor to its error messages in Windows 2000 and up. Here are a couple of examples: * Printer not responding; Got a pen and paper handy? * 3 things are certain in life: Taxes, death and data loss. Guess which has occurred!?

Question: Why can't MICROSOFT built any cars? Answer: Because when an accident happens, the airbag always asks: "Are you sure!?"

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages!

Microsoft today announced that it will be changing its name to "Moft" -- which will clear up space on user's hard disks. It is estimated that a typical Windows 95 installation contains about 2,800,000 copies of the word "Microsoft", in copyright notices, end-user license agreements, 'About' screens, etc. So, after the change, a user will have about 14 MB more disk space. Stock prices of hard-disk manufacturers dipped slightly after the announcement. "Well, the programs will take up less space on…

First man: “You know, I hear Microsoft is going to start making Condoms.” Second man: “That gives a whole new meaning to the words, “General Protection Fault!”