Microsofts Jokes

Who's Microsoft's favorite musician? Adele

[Satire] Windows 10 Update According to insider references, Microsoft should be coming out with a statement in the near future regarding Windows 10. Much like the unravelment of the Donald Trump campaign by Stephen Colbert, Windows 10 is supposedly a hilarious joke that no one seems to catch on to. The statement Microsoft will be releasing will be in acknowledgment of this joke along with plans for an automatic reset to users' previous OSs that will occur in the near future. ""We thought that pe…

I used to work at Microsoft I *Excel*led in my role. I worked in an *Office* where I was tasked with creating and presenting *Powerpoints* which highlighted Microsoft's true *Visio*n. I found it easy to *Express* myself and enjoyed helping spread the *Word* about the organisation. However, *One* should *Note* the animosity between me and some of the employees, so I wrote a book about it and gave it to a *Publisher*. Needless to say I got fired. And what do I do now? I clean *Windows*.

Microsoft's new browser Spartan refers to the amount of people who will use it. 300. Full credit to my friend on this one. Told him of the retarded spartan post(can't find it sorry) and he came up with this gold.

As Microsoft reveal the new Windows 10, people start to question what happened to Windows 9. Microsoft's answer: Windows 7 ate it.

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the …

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is. If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes: mstv…

One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range he was given some instruction a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his f…

What an answer A pilot is flying a small single engine plane with a lot of really important execs on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 10m, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: Hi, wh…

Useless There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. So, he began circling around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alo…

A pilot was flying a small, single-engine charter plane, carrying two leading business executives. He was approaching Seattle airport through thick fog when his instruments suddenly failed. In desperation, he began circling the area, looking for a landmark that would guide him to the airport runway, but after an hour or so, the plane was running low on fuel and his passengers were becoming increasingly edgy. Finally, the visibility improved sufficiently for him to spot a tall building through a …

Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed specifically for Windows. In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far are: GPF key - This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representative’s state that the purpose of the GPF ke…

One of Microsoft's finest technicians was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of …

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.…