Microsoft Jokes

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: ""If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."" In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever your…

In Computer Heaven: The management is from Intel, The design and hardware is done by Apple, The marketing is done by Microsoft, IBM provides the support, Gateway determines the pricing. In Computer Hell: The management is from Apple, Microsoft does design and hardware, IBM handles the marketing, The support is from Gateway, Intel sets the price.

Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation has reconfirmed its commitment to bringing the ""total PC experience"" to Macintosh computer users. MS software developers this week announced the latest version of its ""Windows for Macintosh"" bundle comes with MyDoom, Bagle, SoBig, LovSan/Blaster and Melissa already installed. Plus, it will automatically connect to the Microsoft website upon start-up to download a customized Mac version of any new virus or worm that might appear on the World Wide Web. ""We'…

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is. If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes: mstv…

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said ""WHERE AM I?"" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircra…

If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car then it would perform illegal operations and crash.

What did Bill Gate's wife say to him on their wedding night? No wonder you called the company Microsoft

Yeltsin Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people: ""Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."" Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: ""I have two really bad news items for you: 1) God really exists and 2) Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."" Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them: ""I have good news and bad news: 1) The…

..... Ya see we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for consumers than having only ONE choice of software?!?

Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four. One to ask ""What is the registration number of the light bulb?"" one to ask ""Have you tried rebooting it?"" another to ask ""Have you tried reinstalling it?"" and the last one to say ""It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine...""

Redmond WA --Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system ""Windows 2000"" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.

The Great Writer There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle... A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large …

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign…

I'm holding a presentation infront of Microsoft tomorrow. Give me your worst / best joke about Microsoft! Dear Reddit! Tomorrow I will be presenting my product / pitch in front of hundreds of Microsoft employees. Help me start with a bang, give me the worst / best joke about Microsoft that you have. Let's get dirty!

Variation of the hot air balloon joke A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. Peopl…

The Waiter and the Tip A Waiter greeting a young couple at a table, recognizes that the man he is serving is Bill Gate's son, Rory Gates! Excited at the prospect of a generous tip, the waiter tried his best to please Mr.Gates and his date. Sure enough, when the couple was done with their dinner, they had left a tip of $1000! More than 5x what their meal had cost them. The next day, while serving, the Waiter noticed that no one other than Bill Gates was sitting at the same table his son had sat…

Abbot and Costello: Computer Shopping ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer. ABBOT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud. ABBOT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOT: Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud. ABBOT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy? ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELL…

HELISOFT A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. …

Now that Microsoft is so big, should it be called Macrosoft

GM and Microsoft For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon. In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Micr…

I went to bed with a 7 and woke up with a 10. Forced upgrades should be illegal, Microsoft.

Great writer There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer. When asked to define “great” he said “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!” He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

Microsoft just made a new Sopranos-themed search engine that's even worse than their regular one. It's a badder Bing.