Obama Jokes

Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin went fishing... After a couple of hours, Obama was flinging his arms around, swatting mosquitos away, while Putin sat there, watching the pond, unbothered. ""How is it, that these bloodsuckers only target my blood reserves?"" Asked Obama. ""They don't bite you at all!"" Putin smiled knowingly and replied: ""They're not allowed to"".

What did Obama say to Trump at the White House? Change

Thanks, Obama! The one time the Republicans are actually happy it is Obama's fault that Trump is President.

Why can't Obama dance? Cause he has two leftist feet.

Republicans didn't protest when Obama was elected... Because they had to go to work.

Sorry to say this, but Trump has inspired me more then Obama did. Trump has shown me that you don't need to be competent, smart, have a clue what your doing, tolerant, truthful or even good looking to be successful, if Trump can be president, ANYONE can be president

What's Obama say to Biden when he leaves the room after a argument? Good*bi-den*

Obama played the race card, Hillary played the gender card But America played the Trump Card

Obama is the epitome of why Americans are so racist Just another soon-to-be unemployed black man, evicted from his house, and living on government money.

Just like the DNC run-off between Hillary and Obama in 2008.. ...it looks a woman is going to lose to a colored man.

If Trump becomes president, I would really like to see how Republicans are going to defend him for doing the same thing Obama did: Nothing.

Walking around Washington, Joe Biden sees Donald Trump and says to him... Hey Donald! (says Joe Biden), I know I'm an ugly, bumbling, retard, with ridiculous hair plugs, so I've long since accepted that women don't find me attractive. But for your whole life, the most beautiful women have always loved you. I've wanted to know what it was like to be a man who actually gets the women. Trump says, well... you spend every day in the White House with Barack. I mean, sure he's an idiot, hates America,…

Presidential Race No one voted in the presidential election because everyone was so upset with the shit show. While trying to figure out what to do, Obama suggests an actual presidential race around the white house. They let bernie sanders run but since he's old he takes 24 mins. Trump goes and gets a time of 14:36. Hillary is all fired up and ready to beat trump. She is hopping over shrubbery and stepping on flowers. She finishes just under 10 mins. After she finishes, she proclaims, ""wow that…

Think what you will about Obama, But so far he's the best black president we've ever had.

Obama, Putin and Merkel discuss their submarines. All three are sitting at a resort by the seaside, and are arguing. Obama begins by saying ""American submarines are the best in the world, they can go for weeks without needing supplies!"" Putin laughs and tell them ""Stupid globalists. Russian submarines are best in world, they go MONTHS without refueling."" Merkel opens her mouth to speak, when a submarine rises out of the water. A man opens the hatch and shouts ""Heil Hitler! We need fuel!""

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin make phone calls George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished th…

Obama ran around the whitehouse with Biden. Their total time was 9:48. When they had finished Biden said ""Hey Barack, did we beat the record?"" Out of breath Obama said ""No, Bush did 9:11""

People of USA are fed up of the current Presidential candidates and decided to hold a mass boycott As Americans hated all the candidates so much, that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the white house, and the best time would become president. Bernie Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, …

It's the end of the presidential race... ...and all the candidates were so bad nobody voted. Barrack Obama decides to have a 'literal' presidential race. Trump goes first, and gets 13:12. Hillary knows she has to run as fast as she can to beat him. She tramples all the flowers and runs as fast as she can to beat Trump. She comes with a time of 10:11. ""That must be a record!"" She pants Obama replies: ""No, bush did 9:11.""

What was the General's answer... to the President's inquiry, as to what military division has been most under appreciated during his term? ""Tanks, Obama.""

Obama, Clinton and Trump walk into a bar... Obama says, ""I love this suit I'm wearing today. $3,000 Armani. A man in the top job needs to know how to dress the part, and I think I've shown that in my presidency."" Then Clinton says, ""I love my dress, $75,000 Vutton. A woman with the right character for president needs to dress to impress. I think I've shown that I've got style enought for the oval office."" Trump turns around and says, ""whatever stupid, I was born with the best jeans.""

in a way, things are looking up for america... Soon it'll no longer be an obama-nation

John knows everyone John at work brags about him knowing everyone. His boss, Mike, is quite mad at him, and one day he says ""It's impossible that you know everyone on Earth"", but John replies ""That's not true, I'll prove it to you, just says a name"". Mike, quite confident, replies ""President Obama"". ""Ah, Barack, an old friend. Let's take a flight, we are going there to meet him"". Once they arrived at the 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, John enters the White House, greetings all the security gu…

In 2026 Barack Obama is going through the TSA in an airport. The TSA agent motions for him to step out of the line for a random check, much to the displeasure of the ex-president. After much grumbling from Obama and even more patience from the agent, Obama asks: ""Do you really think a President would be a terrorist?"" ""I'm not taking any chances after the guy before you. My uncle was NYPD you know.""

Two Friends, An American and a Russian... There were two friends, an American and a Russian. The American was jobless and hungry. But he had an idea: he went to the gates of the White House, sat on the ground outside and began eating hay. Obama saw him there and asked: 'What are you eating hay for?' 'Because I'm hungry and I haven't a job.' Obama was outraged and ordered that he be fed and given some money. 'What else would you like?' 'A ticket to Russia to visit my friend.' Obama made the arran…