Tsa Jokes

I didn't get groped by the TSA at all. We just kissed a little, it was nice.

Mom is flying into JFK during Friday rush hour. An 'anonymous tip' should allow me to pick her up at the TSA and avoid the terminals.

I admit I thought cloning Wanda Sykes 10,000 times was a dumb idea, but looks like the TSA managed to hire all of them

It's like the TSA doesn't even care relationships end cause we can't run through the airport and stop someone from getting on a plane.

Why didn't the TSA let the chair through security? It was armed.

The TSA was like ""Damn how did you get out of Iraq?"" Iran

The other day I got detained by the TSA.... Apparently they don't like it if you say ""Note 7,"" even if it is just a joke.

In 2026 Barack Obama is going through the TSA in an airport. The TSA agent motions for him to step out of the line for a random check, much to the displeasure of the ex-president. After much grumbling from Obama and even more patience from the agent, Obama asks: ""Do you really think a President would be a terrorist?"" ""I'm not taking any chances after the guy before you. My uncle was NYPD you know.""

The TSA just announced they're banning erasers on flights. They're capable of math destruction.

Hey, Baby, you work for the TSA? 'Cause I've got a suspicious package, and I need you to blow it.

Short cut. Man is at the airport going through security. As he passes this woman at the TSA check point. He says to her. Has any one told you how pretty you look today. She replies why thank you. He replies maybe buy the end of the day someone will.

[Meta] I need your Halloween jokes. My Halloween costume is an Undead Stand-up Comedian. I need all your undead, Halloween, zombie, vampire, hell, ghoul, masked killer jokes you have. Currently my best bit is ""How'd I die? Well I was performing a set at an airport longue and it didn't go too well. I bombed so hard the TSA mistook me for ISIS.""

A Les Mis Joke (from r/Lesmiserables Joke by u/shepy66 Ok, so there were these two guys at a high school, a really weird, lame, goth kid from France, and a really popular rich kid named John. Nobody actually new the French kid's name, but he was strange enough for people to make up their own. Creep, Emo, Lame-ass, Weirdo, and plenty of other (and much worse) names. As an extremely goth kid, he had the full goth getup. Black hair, eyeliner, weird piercings, ripped jeans, you get the picture. But …

The TSA doesn't take compliments well... All I said was that the TSA was the **BOMB** and they wouldn't let me leave!

A joke about airport security The TSA. This concludes the joke about airport security.

A man gets stopped by the T.S.A; they ask him to remove any smart devices he has on him. He removes his smart watch, smart phone, smart shoes, and smart hat -- when a smart glock is found in his waist band the agent asked why he had it... He turns and smiles -- hands raised -- and says, ""I""m not a very smart man I guess.""

Why did the TSA hire a dentist? to help with the cavity searches

Topical Jokes for 10/11 (for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host) Nielsen has announced that a technical error led to months of incorrect ratings. Employees at Nielsen suspected there was a glitch when an infomercial for adult diapers nabbed 84 billion viewers. There was an Ebola scare on a USAirways flight after a man sneezed and joked that he'd just come from Africa. But don't worry, doctors examined the man, and he tested negative for a sense of humor. TSA agents …

When Big Johnny tried to fly without an ID... ...the TSA diagnosed him with an enlarged prostate.

TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport... The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking "Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?" I replied "No, only guns."

"I know everyone..." was on Bill's resume. Was on Bill's resume when he applied for his new job. His manager, Dave, impressed by everything else made a comment. Dave: "Surely, you dont know EVERYONE." Bill retorts: " I do infact know everyone." Dave asks smugly: "Even the President of the U.S.?" Bill nonchalantly pulls out his phone and scrolls through his contacts seemingly forever and pushes the call button and then puts the phone on speaker. Bill: 'Hey, Mr. President, you there bud?" Preside…

TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport... The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking ""Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"

Who are the greatest philosophers today? The TSA. They are always asking people, "Who are you?", "Where did you come from?", "Why are you here?", and "Where are you going?"