Barry Jokes

Barry? Yes Joe Can I borrow Air Force 1? I promised this girl we'd eat at the Pizza Hut in France No Joe *Biden slams fist* THIS IS BULLSHIT

My personal assistant is an African American named Barry. But I just call him BlackBarry.

Guys what shall we call thing that impedes movement? GUY NAMED BARRY: "How about a barry?" GUY NAMED BARRY BARRY: "How about a barrier?"

Three men are captured by cannibals... Todd, Jim, and Barry are walking through the jungle when they are captured by cannibals. The leader of the cannibal tribe says to them: ""Walk into the jungle and pick 10 of a single fruit."" So, they all go out and do so. Todd and Jim come back at about the same time and the cannibal leader says to them ""Now, if you can fit all ten of the fruit in your ass without making a facial expression we will let you go free."" The Todd, who picked apples, squeezes …

5 Second Fiction Thirty Two Yes she had once said ""Not if you were the last man on Earth"" but Barry was sure the actual Apocalypse had changed that.

There's this faith healer, preaching to a crowd. He asks for volunteers to be healed! 'I-I-I'll cccome up' said a member of the congregation. 'Yes child, you, come up!' He goes on stage. 'What's your name son?' 'T-T-T-Tim' 'And is it your stutter I can cure for you Tim?' 'Y-y-yes' replied Tim. 'PRAISE THE LORD I WILL HEAL YOU OF YOUR STUTTER' proclaimed the preacher. 'I need one more to perform this miracle on'. 'ME!' shouts a man. 'And what's your name son, and what can I do for you?' 'My name …

What do you do when a timeline dies? Barry it.

Bush and Obama are standing together at the urinals... Bush and Obama are standing together at the urinals draining the ole lizards, when a curious Obama glances over at Bush' wanker: ""My God George W. That is the biggest pecker I've ever seen on a white man. How'd you come by it?"" ""Well Barry,"" answered Bush chuckling. ""Heheheh. That's a long story for it wasn't always as large as it is today. However I cannot reveal to you how I got it to such an enormous size for that is a closely held s…

The Bee There once lived a bee named barry. Barry was a very smart bee, he went through all of school with straight A's. He majored in law, and eventually ran for president. He became the president of the bee hive. Barry, unsatisfied with his accomplishments, goes on to go through human school, first learning how to speak english, and getting a megaphone to speak to the humans. Again, he goes through school with a perfect GPA and goes on to become the president of the U.S.A. At the party after t…

Doctor! Doctor! I think I have Barry Manilow's disease! ""What are your symptoms?"" ""I can't laugh and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything!""

""Any idea how to make a lasagne, Barry?"" ""Not a clue mate, but I Bechemal would know""

Broke a leg ""Barry, what happened to your *leg*?"" ""There's a story to this one."" ""Go on."" ""About twenty-five years ago my car broke down out in the country. It was pitch black outside, too late to hoof it all the way home, so I stopped by a farmer's house and asked him if I could stay the night. He sees I'm stuck out in the cold and all so I can go on up, there's a bed in his daughter's room and I can sleep there. So I crawl in and she's there, a young lady, already sleeping. She wakes me…

New Job....... Barry is seated at a small table in a warmly lit coffee shop sipping coffee. Barry's friend Felix enters looking somewhat dubious. (Felix bares a remarkable resemblance to Woody Allen.) He spots Barry and joins him at the table. BARRY: Did you find a job? FELIX: Yeah. I got a job at a strip club helping the girls backstage to dress and undress. BARRY: How much? FELIX: Two hundred bucks a week. BARRY: That's not much. FELIX: It's all I could afford.

Barry Landon woke up one morning feeling Great... Barry starts walking around the house and his daughter comes up to him and says, ""daddy, you no look so good today"". Barry looks down at his daughter, ""but honey i feel great today"" His daughter says back ""but daddy you really don't look so good today"" So barry continues walking around until his wife comes up to him and says "" Dear, you don't look so good today"" Barry replies again, ""But I feel great today! I really do!"" His wife contin…

Skipper This is one of my favorite jokes, but I have to warn you, it's a bit of a shaggy-dog joke. So, there's a guy named Skipper who, at his work, is known for being a braggart and constantly making things up. Everyone in the workplace knows that Skipper's always telling ridiculous stories and they eventually learn to ignore it. Skipper's boss, though, can't stand it, and says to himself ""this obnoxious kid is insufferable. I can't have him coming into the office everyday and spouting this bu…

Barry hoped one of the almost dozen puns he told his son would make him laugh. No pun in ten did.

Three Irishmen get drunk... Three Irishmen - Danny, Barry, and Colin, - get drunk at the old tavern and get to talking about the wonders of the Emerald Isle. they sing some songs, and talk about history they're too wasted to understand, and they decide they're going to see a castle tonight. So they make their way through the night and find a castle. The castle is, as far as they can discern, dark and empty, but they manage to find their way in. They wander about for a while until Danny decides t…

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, ""Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"" Carolyn agreed and again they made love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left.…

3 friends die and go to heaven... Three friends are on a road trip and crash a die. At the gates of St. Peter the first on is called up by St. Peter. St. Peter tell the first friend, John, "You cheated on your wife 12 times?" John admits this. "John is then handed keys to a Honda." John asks Peter what they keys are for and he replies "to get around heaven. You see, heaven is big and vast. You need something to get around. Everyone gets a mode of transportation fitting to the infidelity they co…

At the second annual UK women's rights meeting... a lady from Birmingham stood up and said, "Ladies, last year I vowed to no longer cook for my husband. On the first day, I saw nothing. On the second day, I saw nothing. On the third day, my husband cooked a wonderful meal, and has continued to cook every night since." She recieved a generous round of applause. Another lady, from London, stood up next and said, "Ladies, last year I vowed to no longer wash my husband's clothes. On the first d…

Headaches. A man strides into a bar, grinning from ear to ear. He sets down at the bar and orders a beer. "In fact, make that a round on me." The bar cheers, and the bartender brings him his drink, he asks, "So, why the celebration?" "I am reinventing myself! A new man! Just a month ago, I was miserable. But then..." He laughs. "Then my life changed! I had to put it all behind me. I always wanted to live in California, so I sold everything I had, broke my lease, and moved here. I got an apar…

Barry worked at a coal mine One day he was leaving work with a wheelbarrow which had a box on it. The guard, looking at him suspiciously, stopped him and asked, "What's inside that box?" Barry: "Nothing" The guard opened the box, saw it was empty and let Barry go. The next day the same thing happened. This kept going on for about a month, until some day when the guard stopped Barry and said, "Look, Barry. I know you're up to something. I think you're stealing something, but I don't know w…

Female compassion. Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love. Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, 'Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live maybe we could make love again?' Carolyn agreed and again they made love. Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only ei…

WAS BARRY WHITE ? WAS CILLA BLACK ? WAS JAMES BROWN ? SURE MAKES STEVIE WONDER

Barry gets home late one night...... ......and Linda