Politics Jokes

I guess aliens don't exist, I'm pretty sure Trump would've spilled the beans, unless he's keeping them secret until next election... ... so he can run on the campaign of ""building a roof to keep America safe from aliens.""

My Dad voted Republican his entire life. After he died he voted Democrat

Heard about the fruit that became a president? He got impeached.

President Obama and the old man One sunny day in January, 2017, an old man approaches the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He speaks to the U.S. Marine standing guard and says, ""I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."" ... The Marine looks at the man and says, ""Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."" The old man says, ""Okay,"" and walks away. The following day the same man approaches the White House…

Old but gold! A country preacher had a teenage son, and it was time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: A bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and a Playboy magazine. 'I'll just hide behind th…

Mick and Paddy on the quiz show Two irishmen called Mick and Paddy go to UK s quiz show Mastermind in hopes of showing how smart they are. Mick goes to the chair, while Paddy sits with the audience. In comes the show s host Magnus Magnusson: *Magnus*: ""what is your choice of subject?"" *Mick*: ""Irish history"". *Magnus*: ""First question- when was the Battle of the Boyne fought?"" There is a long silence while the crowd awaits the answer. *Mick*: ""Pass"". *Magnus*: ""Second question- When was…

Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter Donald Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees ""Donald Trump Sucks"" written in urine across the snow. Well, he's is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells ""Somebody wrote an insult in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Whoever did it had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where we…

What do you call an openly tyrannical government wherein all the female public officials identify as future mothers even though they've been sterilized? A trans-parent government. (this is my best work yet)

Donald Trump chose Mikey Pence as his vice-president... Did anyone else realize that Mickey and Donald will run America from now on? Walt Disney also could not have imagined this...

TIL now the country of Canada got its name! The government got a bag of scrabble letters and decided they would name their country after the first letters they pulled out! According to historical records it went like this: ""C ay, N ay, D ay...""

President Trump received congratulations from the Pope himself... Because thanks to him half the world started praying.

Why would Gabe Newell be a good president? Because then World War 3 would never happen

Which President is the worst at Jenga? Bush, because he keeps knocking down towers

So Trump says he picked a bunch of great people to run the government... But honestly, I've seen better cabinets at IKEA.

Trump's statement regarding China Trump: ""In little over a week when I take office, China will fall into a slump. Factories will shut down, shops will close, stock markets will not trade, and government will grind to a halt.The wealthy will flee overseas with their families, citizens desperately trade their currency for food, doors all across the country will be plastered with red notices and the empty streets will reek of lingering gunpowder. The people, with nothing to do will turn to day-lon…

A rapist, a con-artist and a fascist walk into a bar... The bartender says 'What'll it be Mr President?'

Have you ever stopped and thought about why the republican party of America has a donkey as a symbol? After yesterday we all know why now.

An airplane was about to crash... There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, ""I am Lionel Messi, the best footballer in the world. My millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die."" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, ""I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die."" He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane. The 3rd …

Did you know Trump nominated a deaf guy to the Presidential cabinet? Congress confirmed him without a hearing.

Well, you won't get called a racist for criticizing the President anymore... ...you'll just get called a racist for supporting him.

If there's one good thing about the election of Trump, it's the greatly lowered odds of being attacked by Russia. After all, they're not going to key their own car.

So is the 2020 Election Season open yet? Or is the succession now inherited?

Ugly scenes in centre of Leicester this evening An 'anti Trump' protestor threw a traffic cone, narrowly missing US President by 5802 miles

Why do the bees have honey? Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing.

I hope Joe Biden will run for president in 2020 Because when he announces it he's able to say that he's been Biden his time..... I'm sorry