Politics Jokes

TIL that FDR was the first sitting President to travel by airplane Maybe tomorrow I'll learn who the first standing President to travel by airplane was!

What if... ...the U.S. government builds a wall to keep the Americans in?

Trump and Pence are laughing amongst themselves at a White House dinner... A senator is watching them from a few tables away and wonders what they keep laughing about. Later, he approaches them and asks, ""I've been watching you guys for a while now and you keep laughing amongst yourselves. What could be so funny?"" Trump replies, ""We're going to start World War 3."" Puzzled, the senator asks, ""How are you going to do that?"" Trump replies, ""We're going to kill 4 million Muslims and a dentist…

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!! I really hate babies.

Classic jokes modified to Donald Trump and Putin One day while walking through the countryside the President of Russia discovered an old lamp. He started to polish it and out came a genie who told him that for freeing him from the lamp he would grant him one wish. Putin thought for a minute before declaring, ""I am a poor simple man with simple needs, therefore I wish that Putin pee vodka!"" The Genie exclaimed that Putin's wish was granted and disappeared in a poof of smoke. Putin runs home and…

In America, Trump unseats black, male president. In Russia, president sits on Trump blackmail!

Republican Health Plan Since Republicans are dismantling Obamacare, they wanted to coin a name for their new health plan. They came up with Nobodycare.

I'm really disappointed after hearing about Trump and the golden shower thing. I thought we had seen the end of republican trickle down economics.

Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea? A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face.

How many Russians does it take to elect the President of the United States? Just Trump.

What does Matthew McConaughey think about an all white, Republican Government? Altright, altright, altright

Trump calls Angela Merkel's office... Trump calls Angela Merkel's office. Secretary answers. Trump: ""What's the time difference between Washington and Berlin""? Secretary: ""Just a second, Mr. President..."" Trump: ""Thanks"" <click>

sad, but true and funny! Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ""Well,"" he says, ""I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."" The Tennessee contract…

An airplane was about to Crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, ""I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die."" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, ""I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the Smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die."" He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the pla…

What did the U.S president say before starting WW3? Nukes... You're fired!

Donald Trump being president is the result of being a good parent and teaching your children that they can be anything if they set their mind to it... And you know,giving them a small loan of 1 Millon dollars

why did the 2016 presidential election suck? It was a real Hack job.

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher....... He told the rancher, ""I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."" The rancher said, ""okay, but don't go into that field over there..."", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, ""look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!"" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. ""See th…

A Fisherman, Politician, Husband, and a wife all get stranded on a island inhabited by cannibals The cannibals capture them and tell them that they used eat and live off fish but after doing it so long they got sick of it and now hate fish. The cannibals tell them that if they have something good to offer they will let them borrow a boat and leave, and if they don't they will be eaten. The next day the the cannibals take the politician inside their hut and after a few hours they come out of the …

Obama's no longer President January 21,2017 an old man walks up to White House gate and tells security guard: ""I want to see President Obama."" Very patiently the guard says: ""He's not President anymore."" The old man quietly walks away. January 22 same old man walks up to the gate and says: ""I want to see President Obama."" Same guard says: ""He's not President anymore."" The old man quietly walks away. January 23 same old man walks up to the gate and says: ""I want to see President Obama.""…

Heaven or Hell? While walking down the street one day, a political head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. ""Welcome to Heaven,"" says St. Peter. ""Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."" ""No problem, just let me in."" says the politician. ""Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do…

Just found out there is a whole series on Netflix about this year's election results. Orange is the new black.

What's the difference between Hillary and Eva Braun? One achieved fame and significance solely because she was married to a charismatic politician. The other was Hilter's wife.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project.. When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. ""What are these guys in the big suits doing?"" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if…

An American and a Mexican are sitting at the beach when a genie offers both of them one wish. The American says: ""I'd like a 5-mile-high wall around the US so that no foreigners or illegal Chinese goods can enter without our government's permission."" And voila the wall is built. The genie then asks the Mexican what he wants: ""Fill it with lava.""