Americas Jokes

I don't care what the FBI says, America's most wanted still sounds like an honor.

NICK CANNON: hello and welcome to america's got talent HAWK: [hiding his talons behind his back] i misunderstood the title of this show

Is anyone going to tell America's Funniest Home Videos about youtube?

TacoBell - America's preferred over-the-counter laxative

"America's Most Wanted" to return to the airwaves with an NFL edition.

Worried sick about America's billionaires, you guys

Can we just start calling all the reality shows "America's Got Problems?"

"I donno. America's Got Ghosts?" -- someone in charge of a channel I probably pay $10 a year for and never watch.

[Americas Got Talent] ME: *reads an opinion different than mine online without getting offended* JUDGE (under his breath): how'd he do that

[Reality TV] HOST: Welcome to America's Next Top Psychic! Please, try not to-- *One contestant stands up*: I WON! H: --ruin it.

If you had a terrible childhood, you'll be super-bummed out by Bank of America's options for security questions.

Lick the corner of your mouth. The corner. JUST the CORNER. God damn it Diane do you want to be America's Next Top Model or the Hamburglar

Finally watched an episode of America's Got Talent and I disagree.

America's obesity epidemic is pretty shocking, until you remember that we're the country that invented flavored floss.

America's national mascot should just be a drunk white girl typing on a shattered iPhone.

America's flag should be a picture of a deep-fried smartphone with bullet holes in it

I can honestly say that I have never fake laughed as hard as any member of the America's Funniest Home Videos audience.

America's Got (a very loose definition of what constitutes) Talent.

It's the time of year when we are forced to confront America's greatest tragedy: men wearing winter scarves way too early.

[2005, youtube's first pitch meeting] ok so basicaly its like if america's funniest home videos was on 24 hrs a day on evrey computer-- SOLD

I think comic book bad guys have the right idea, aiming their weapons directly at Captain America's shield. That's probably his weak point.

Two-thirds of America's Funniest Home Video winners spent their prize money on heroin.

Welcome to America's Next Top Teen! Smoke these drugs, piierce your face, burn some books, swear at your parents

On predisents day we honor the big US man himself: Aberham Liclon. Tall, skinny, dry, and cruncy - he was america's carrot

It's cute how "America's Got Talent" focuses on singing & dancing instead of our real talents: overeating & complaining.