Whenever a contestant on America's Got Talent was insulted by Piers Morgan, they were judged by a jury of Piers.

Old lady's wager A little old lady walks into the Bank of America with a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the president of the bank. She tells the bank president that she has accumulated several hundred thousand dollars over the years and would like to open a trust in the bank. Since he is free at the time and does not want to decline an old woman, the president agrees to see her. The president is curious, so he asks her, ""Where did you get all this money?"" The old lady repli…

A group of guests in a party were blaming all of America’s problems on lawyers when a woman said, “They aren’t actually all that bad. Why, last year a lawyer gave me $2000.” “I don’t believe it,” the host responded. “It’s true, I swear it,” said the woman. “I had a complicated personal injury case and what with the lawyer’s fee, the cost of expert witnesses, the expense of the appeal etc, my bill was $51,000. When the judgment only amounted to $49,000, my lawyer simply forgave the difference!”

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.