Politics Jokes

The price of Trumps' wall became much cheaper after the election... ...50 million people shit a brick!

Donald Trump says the only reason he lost the popular vote is because 3 million undocumented immigrants voted in the election He knows this because thats how many of his employees asked him for the day off.

Hillary's mad at Satan Hillary: Satan! We had a deal! Where's the election victory that you promised me? Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had?

what't the difference between a US election and a bunch of sly midgets? [NSFW] one is a bunch of cunning runts and the other is a bunch of running cunts.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done. Barbers decide not to talk about politics, and everybody ends up not talking at all. The air is so tense. it could be almost cut with the barber's knife. Donald's hair gets finished first, and when the barber tries to apply some cologne to it, Donald goes nuts ""Are you out of your mind? I can't go to my house smelling like I've been in a brothel. Melania would go crazy"". Right at that …

Why didn't rail Castro want to be President of Cuba? He didn't want to play second fidel

If the voting recount flips the outcome of the election, I have the perfect guy to call Trump and tell him that he's no longer going to be President... Steve Harvey. ""I have to apologize.....the 1st runner-up, is Trump. The next President of the United States is...Hillary Clinton!"" *DEEP INHALE* ""***WRONG***""

Castro: I will not die until America is destroyed. Trump: I'm gonna be the president Castro: well then.......

The government forcibly took over MarshallMathers.com They cited Eminem domain

You remember, in 2008 and 2012, when the right rioted, burned police cars, trashed small businesses, and claimed that President Elect Obama was not their president? Huh, yeah me either.

The Pope, Lebron James, Donald Trump, and a 10 year old boy are flying in a airplane ... The airplane looses power and is quickly falling from the sky, they are gonna crash. Their are only three parachutes and the discussion begins about who should have them. Lebron James rambles on ""I'm the King of Cleveland! My fans need me to win the championship!"" He takes one of the parachutes and bails. Donald Trump rambles on "" I am President Elect! My people need me to make America Great Again! I am t…

Donald Trump has a new plan for solving the conflict of interest of him owning his business empire and being President He's going to put America into a blind trust.

Want to know how to stop the ""Not My President"" Riots? Play the National Anthem and they'll all kneel.

A math teacher ought to be president... To make America integrate again.

What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes? Mr. President.

A woman is at the park with her son when he starts misbehaving. She looks at him sternly and says ""If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"" 1... 2... 2 and a half... 2 and three quarters... 2 and five sevenths... Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gabe Newell, co-founder of Valve, and we're looking for a new Vice President. I think you're just what we're looking for. Call me on Monday and we'll talk.

I wore my ""Gandalf for President"" shirt to the comic convention. It got a lot of support, but some were turned off by my candidate's hard stance on immigration.

Trump winning the election I did nazi that coming

If Elon Musk ran for president, what would his subreddit be called? /r/futurology

President Obama is doubling down on fighting global warming He's already sent three battalions of Marines to invade the Sun.

How do you know when a joke has gone too far? It's elected President.

If Dwane Johnson were to actually run for President... He could only lose to paper.

I haven't seen Democrats this upset with a Republican since... A Republican took the Democrats' slaves away

People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence. I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.

So I asked my friend, ""I hear your husband applied for a position in the government"" Me:""What is he doing now?"" Friend: ""Nothing"" Me: ""But I thought he got the job!?"" Friend: ""Yes he did.""