For just $28,000, I will teach any politician or politician's wife to wave like a normal human being.

An unsung legacy of Bill Clinton's presidency is that since he left office, no sitting President has shot a load on a non-spouse.

I wish my wife was one of those government agents who aren't allowed to talk about what they did at work all day.

WIFE: there's a bear outside our tent ME: so W: so scare him off M: *unzips door* Donald Trump might become president *bear jumps into fire*