NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! Except my government, boss, his wife, my girlfriend, my parents, my doctor, friends, neighbours, their dogs...

Parish priest A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. ""I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told…

""A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader."" Harry S. Truman The Boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. The next day, he brought a small sign that read: ""I'm the Boss!"" He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: - ""Your wife called, she wants her sign back!""

Whom to fire? One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, ""We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off."" Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, ""Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."" The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, ""Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to…