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Difference between Democrats and Republicans A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him: ""Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."" The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, ""You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 1

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Teacher gave the second grade the homework to, ""dream big."" The next day, Toby recited, ""I want to be a computer genius like Riley Poole, and hack things and be a millionaire."" The class gasped in awe. Tammy followed. ""I want to save lives like Captain Sully, and be a hero."" Everyone cheered. Jenna, the blonde, said, ""I want to be like the waitress at the soda shop and serve people."" Teacher looked at Jenna, the blonde, in stupor while the class laughed and ridiculed her. A bawdier child

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If President Trump passes away while in office, he will never admit it because... ...he'll continue tweeting denials about it from the grave: === --- >>###Yes, it is true - Tupac Shakur, the great Afro-American musician, called me about getting together for a meeting. We met, HE IS A GREAT GUY! >> Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 28, 2017 --- === --- >>###VERY dishonest coroner's report says I died. How crooked are they. Why did they only complain after Hillary lost?

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The US President, French President, and Brazilian President are in an airplane... The French president sticks is arm out of a window in the airplane and says, ""We're flying over France."" The other two presidents ask him how he knows this. He responds with, ""I just touched the Eiffel Tower."" A little while later, the US president sticks his arm out of the window and says, ""We're flying over the United States."" The other two presidents ask him how he knows this. He responds with, ""I just to

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A competition between France, England, and Mexico There was to be a contest between 3 countries to see who has the largest gorilla. France was up first, so the Prime Minister went up to the podium and told the audience, ""Our Gorilla is so big, when it raises its arms, he can touch airplanes in the sky. The crowd amazed, thinking no country could top that, was ready to hear England. The Prime Minister of England said, ""Our gorilla is so enormous, that when he raises his arms, he can touch the p

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A Medieval Town had a Rat Infestation... ....and after the local government had wasted money on cons and charlatans, the council decided that they would take advice from the elders of the three main town religions. They first summoned the Pastor... and he said let's have a massive one night hunt and we will capture them and drown them all in river. They didn't think it was feasible so they summoned the Rabbi. The Rabbi said let's make an unheard of amount of poisoned cheese and leave it all over

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Donald Trump decided that he doesn't want to attend intelligence briefings anymore. Coincidentally, he took notice how the Jews always have the inside scoop before anyone. So he consulted his cabinet of advisors how the Jews always were the first to know everything. And after much research by the intelligence community, the findings were very peculiar to say the least. ""Mr. President, we've found that any time a Jew greets another, they always start with a secret code: *vus machter reb yid*. Th

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My neighbors are Democrats and I'm Republican One day I was working in the garden when they came home with their young daughter from school. I asked them how everything was going and they told me that a job orientation week had just taken place. So I asked their daughter: ""What do you want to be when you grow up?"" She responded proudly: ""I want to be a democratic president!"" ""And what would be the first thing you'd do once in office?"" ""I would help all the poor people in this country"" ""

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A plane is about to crash, there are 4 passengers and only 3 parachutes... The first passenger, Steph Curry, says ""I am the best player in the NBA! The Warriors and my fans need me!"" and jumps out with the first pack. The second passenger, Donald Trump, says ""I am the most respected and intelligent US president in history! My country needs me!"" and jumps out with the second pack. The third passenger, the Pope, turns to the fourth passenger, a little boy, and says ""My son, I don't have many

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Donald Trump has his daily intelligence briefing. ""We're almost done, Mr. President-Elect,"" says the man conducting the briefing, ""just one more small piece of information."" ""Bring it on."" ""5 Brazilian soldiers were killed last night"" ""That certainly isn't a good thing,"" replies Trump, ""but if you don't mind, could you refresh my memory on one thing?"" ""Of course, Mr. Trump, what do you need?"" ""How many is a Brazilian?""

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A man sees a sign in front of a house, ""Talking Dog for Sale."" He rings the bell and the owner takes him to the back garden where the dog is tied to a post. ""Can you talk?"" asks the man. ""Yep,"" says the dog.""I discovered this gift when I was young. I decided to help the government, so I got in touch with the CIA. In no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one would think a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their

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Whom to fire? One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, ""We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off."" Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, ""Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."" The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, ""Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to

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