Honda Jokes

When a Honda Element crashes into another Honda Element it becomes a Honda Compound.

Health food? Baby, my body is a '93 Honda hatchback with a headlight out. I'm not about to start putting premium gas in it now.

Quit bragging yo. Jesus drove a Honda back in Bible days and said nothing of it. "For I speak not of my own accord" John 12:49 a.

There's nothing a "Baby On Board" sticker says that the Honda Odyssey it's on doesn't already say.

My girlfriend's car got stolen today, so if you see a man driving a dark green Honda Civic, PLEASE tell him I left some Skittles in there.

For Sale: 2010 Honda Civic. Well maintained. Some Zipcar logos. Must purchase in next three hours.

Walk into the club like what up does anyone own a black Honda Element because your lights are on

"Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.

What was the point in making your car louder, bro? Do you really want women to turn their heads and notice you drive a 1999 Honda Civic?

Me: Hey. Nice Honda. Him: It's an Acura. Me: All Asian cars look alike. Him: You're racist. Me: I bet your Toyota is good at math.

She said she wanted to bump uglies. So, naturally, I got all showered & freshened up and then I rammed my Ford Pinto into her Honda Element.

So this one guy has a terrible gas problem. Every day he's ripping loud one's ( make fart sound and lean to one side ) ..One day he leans over to fart and it goes ""Honnnnda"" same thing the next day ""hondaaaa"" so he heads up to his street corner where the nearest doctor is. The doctor is a Chinese Acupuncturist. He explains to Dr. Wang his problem and without hesitation the Dr. tells him to go see a dentist as he likely has an abscessed tooth. Well, sure as shit he has an absess and the denti…

What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda? Civic doody.

According to the Bible, what company was the first car manufacturer? Honda. Because Jesus and his apostles were in one accord.

A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof"" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says, ""Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha."" Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. ""You start tomorrow."" I'll come down after we close and see how you did."" His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. ""How many customers bo…

If you spell race car backwards... You get what Honda owners wish they had.

A young guy from Texas moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof"" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says ""Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Texas ."" Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. ""You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."" His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store w…

Just one customer. A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof' department store looking for a job. The Manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says ""Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."" Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. ""You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."" His first day on the job was rough, but he go…

3 Guys Die And Go To The Pearly Gates St. Peter was waiting for them at the gate and said, ""However faithful you were to your wife, that will determine the vehicle you will get in heaven"" as he pointed to another shining gate many miles in the distance. The first guy comes up to the gate and says, ""I never, ever cheated on my wife; she was the love of my life and I told her every day. "". St. Peter smiled and handed him the keys to a brand spanking new Ferrari. The next man stepped forward an…

What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait.. He drove a Honda. But he didn't like talking about it. John 12:49 : > For I did not speak of my own Accord.

I imported a Honda directly from Japan and was forced to pay a large tariff... ...that's OK though because it's my Civic duty.

Louie C.K.'s Honda Civic joke at the Oscars Really struck Accord

My teenage son wanted to get a race car. He took our honda civic, put a spoiler and a loud muffler on it and took it to the track. When he crashed it, the car went up in flames! Before we had a car and now all we have is a riced, crispy. :)

A man goes to the doctor and says ""Doctor, my farts sound like a motorbike"" Doctor says ""you have an abscess"" Man says ""how do you know?"" Doctor says ""because abscess makes the fart go Honda""

This guy went to the doctor and said, ""Doc, I don't know what's wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like ...pbffbbpppfffHONDA"". ""That's a new one. Can I hear you fart?"" says the doctor. The guy says ""Sure....pbffbbpppfffHONDA"". The doctor can't figure it out. He sends him to all sorts of stomach specialists who run all sorts of tests and they still can't figure out why this guy farts ""pbffbbpppfffHONDA"". One, day, at the golf course, he's explaining the problem to a dentist h…