Honda Jokes

Honda made a car called the CRX before. Now they make one called the CRZ. They skipped the one in the middle because the prototype was so bad, it made them CRY.

Jesus drove a Honda, but never talked about it. For I did not speak of my own Accord -John 12:49 His Old Man had a Plymouth--He drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. Of all the trials of Job, the worst was a Pontiac. For he breaketh me with a Tempest, and multiplieth my wounds without cause. -Job 9:17

When I was 10 Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich. That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sen…

A guy pulled up next to me in his Honda on a scorching day.... .... and asked if he could fry and egg on the hood of my black car on a dare. I looked back at him incredulously and said ""Why not do it on your own Accord?""

Go Honda This guy went to the doctor and said to him ""Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the word HONDA"". ""That's interesting, never heard of anything like that before. Do you think you could do it for me?"" says the doctor. The guy says, ""Sure."" And sure enough, the doctor hears ""HONDA"". After several attempts to figure out what's wrong with this guy, the doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach specialists and none of t…

My dad walked in while I zoomed in on Street fighter Dad: ""Damn son, that girl has some big 'ol titties!"" Me: ""Dad.......thats E. Honda""

Farting Honda A sales rep for an American auto parts supplier was in Tokyo for an important meeting with the chairman of Toyota to close a huge deal. After he got to his hotel, he farted and strangely it sounded like his ass said ""Honda"". Puzzled, he forced out another fart and sure enough it came out ""hooonda"". Needless to say he was freaked out by this. Every time he farted, it came out ""hooonda"". He flipped through the phone book and found an American doctor and rushed over. The doctor …

Do you suppose there was much disagreement over what to call the Honda Accord?

Three young daughters. The three young daughters were hanging out with their mom. They're 8, 7, and 5. The eldest one asked the mom, ""Mom, why is my name Paris?"". The mom replied ""Oh it's because you were made in Paris honey. We had our honeymoon there"". The second one curiously asked the mom ""is that why my name is Brooklyn mom? Because you guys were in Brooklyn when I was made?"". ""Yes honey, that's right. It's a very nice place and your dad is from there"". The third child was so overly…

Salesman of the Year A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says, ""Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas. ""Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. ""You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."" His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. ""How many sales did you mak…

Knock knock -Honda. -Honda who? -*Honda the wings of love*

Three angels are given gifts from god based on their loyalty and appreciation towards their spouses. The first angel confesses that he often cheats on his wife and believes she would be better off....to be the equivalent of dead in heaven. The second angel admits that his wife can be a bitch sometimes but still is willing to stick with her for eternity. Provided she stays in shape of course. The third angel proudly states that his wife is the sole purpose of his existence and argues that she is …

Three old men die and go to heaven... ...and St. Peter explains to them that the lives they lived on earth will determine what kind of car they drive for eternity. He looks to the first man and says ""You were a top-notch citizen your entire life. You paid your taxes, showed up for work every day, never cheated on your wife and went to church every Sunday. Well done, sir. Here's the keys to your Rolls Royce."" He looks to the second and says ""You were a decent bloke, more or less. Had a bit of …

An Asian man goes to the doctor's office... He tells the doctor that he's been having a hard time driving. After an exam the doctor says, ""well sir, I know why you're having a hard time driving. You have a cataract."" The Asian man looks confused and says, ""No, I drive a Honda.""

Three men stand at the gates of heaven St. Peter looks at the 3 men and says, ""in order to get around up here, you will all need a car. In heaven, we distribute cars to everyone based on how faithful you were to your spouse before you died. The first man tells St. Peter, ""I never as much as looked at another woman. I would never even think about being with anyone except my wife."" St. Peter nods and gives the first man a brand new Rolls Royce. The second man tells St. Peter, ""I was not a perf…

An asian man goes to the eye doctor... Doctor: ""Sir you have cataracts."" Asian man: ""No I drive a honda.""

Chinese herbologist A man with an embarrassing condition walks into a bar one day, sad and depressed. He orders a shot, then another, and then another. Finally, the bartenders asks him ""hey, what's wrong buddy?"". The man replies ""I've got this really embarrassing condition, and no doctor has ever been able to figure out how to cure it"". The bartender says ""well, why don't you tell me about it?"". ""Ok"", says the man, ""you see.....whenever I fart, it comes out HONDA!!!"". I've tried everyt…

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof"" department store looking for a job... A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything under one roof"" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says ""Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."" Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. ""Yo…

The Chinese Dentist One day a man is sitting at home and feels like he needs to fart, but as he does so, he hears ""honda"" come out instead. He is completely taken aback and thinks he must have imagined it. But later, as he farts again, it sounds like ""honda"". The man decides to go see a doctor after this happens a few more times. The doctor, upon witnessing the strange event nods his head knowingly. ""Well,"" he says,""I can't help you out, but I know someone who can."" He writes down an add…

A Texan goes to a car dealership He sees a car he likes and says ""Gee that's a byoot!"" The Dealer responds ""That's not a Buick that's a Honda!""

A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big ""everything-under-one-roof"" department store looking for a job. The manager says ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says ""Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Missouri."" Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. ""You start tomorrow, I'll come down after we close and see how you did."" His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down, ""How many sales d…

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, ""Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"" After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, ""Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the…

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled ""Honda very fast! Made in Japan!"" After a while a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled ""Toyota very fast! Made in Japan!"" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time the Japanese …

Did you hear the CEO of Honda wont be back next year? He's leaving of his own accord. Edit: grammar.

A Texas Salesman A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager asks him, "Do you have any sales experience?" "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?" "One…