Honda Jokes

3 friends die and go to heaven... Three friends are on a road trip and crash a die. At the gates of St. Peter the first on is called up by St. Peter. St. Peter tell the first friend, John, "You cheated on your wife 12 times?" John admits this. "John is then handed keys to a Honda." John asks Peter what they keys are for and he replies "to get around heaven. You see, heaven is big and vast. You need something to get around. Everyone gets a mode of transportation fitting to the infidelity they co…

Three men die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that he will ask each of them a question and that their answer will determine how they will get around in heaven. He asks the first man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “No, never!” St. Peter says, “Good man, I will give you a Ferrari for your loyalty.” St. Peter then asks the second man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “I did once and regret it to this day!” St. Peter says,…

THE salesman story. A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he g…

A Bright Future In Sales A country boy moves to the city and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I worked at the general store back in Possum Holler." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got t…

3 guys die and go to heaven... St. Peter was at the gate and said, "However faithful you were to your wife, that will determine the vehicle you will get in heaven". The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife; she was the love of my life and I told her every day. ". St. Peter smiled and handed him the keys to a brand spanking new Ferrari. The next man stepped forward and said, "I cheated on my wife just once. It was the biggest regret of my life, and I sti…

The good salesman A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got thro…

New sales job! A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got thr…

"Some say Jesus drove a Honda, but didn't like to talk about it" "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." - John 12:49

Hit a pig with my car I was driving home from my buddies place which is out in the middle of nowhere. I've done this drive a dozen times so I wasn't paying much attention to the road, giving glances to my phone. Saw the street light ahead about a mile or so down the road when BOOM, I hit something. I stopped my car and looked down the road to see a pig laying on its side. I checked my car and didn't see any real damage. I looked around and saw no street or farm signs or anything of the like. Th…

Best Salesman Ever! A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The young guy says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got thr…

A Young guy from Nebraska A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow." I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How …

The CEO of Honda was fired today, and was forcibly removed from his place of work. He refused to leave…on his own Accord.

A cheapskate dies and his will asks he be buried at sea Per his wishes his wife has him cremated and goes to the waterfront with an urn full of his ashes to release them into the Atlantic. "Henry," she says, "you know that fancy leather purse I wanted all my life and you said it was too much? Well I sold your company for a fortune and I bought the nicest purse they had at Gucci." And Henry," she says, "you know that trip to the Caribbean I always wanted to take but you said a trip to the mal…

Salesman of The Year Award. A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha." Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow." I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss ca…

A little girl was walking home from school when a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside her. Man: Hey little girl, want to ride on the back of my motorcycle? Girl: No. Man: Come on sweetie, I'll give you five dollars if you ride with me. Girl: Get away from me or I'll call the cops. Man: How about twenty dollars, just get on the back with me. Girl: (Starts running) No way! Man: Okay, final offer, twenty dollars and a bag of candy. Girl: Look, Dad, you had to buy a Honda instead of a Harl…

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her. After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, "Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?" "NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking. The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, "Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back." "NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street. The motorcyclist pulls …

Jesus drove a Honda, but never spoke of it. "For I speak not of my own Accord" - John 12:49

Honda is coming out with the 1st electric vehicle with wireless charging It’s called the Honda Accordless

Jesus drove a Honda but never talked about it. ""For I did not speak of my own accord."" -John 12:49

Jesus drove a Honda but didn't talk about it. ""For I did not speak of my own accord"

What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait.. He drove a Honda.

Jesus drove a Honda but nobody knew about it.

Did you hear about that guy who was crushed by his Honda? Police say he died of his own Accord.

Jesus drove a Honda but didn’t talk about it. *“For I did not speak of my own Accord”* (John 12:49)

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion? An Accordion.