School Jokes

Little Johnny comes home from school... And sees his mother getting out of the shower. He points at her and asks ""Mommy whats that?"" His mother replies ""Oh that's nothing Johnny, just my kitty cat."" Little Johnny replies ""No I mean that string hanging out of your cunt!""

Little Jewish boy that can't understand math Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School. The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!! They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied,"" When I saw what they did to…

Don't ask... So one fine day, a young boy is listening to the radio. He has very bad reception so the radio is sort of static, nevertheless, he catches something about a purple donut. His curiosity sparked, he meanders over to his mother and said, ""Momma, what's a purple donut?"" She then gets this wild look in her eye an grabs a bat and begins to vigorously beat the boy. She yells, ""Get your ass to school, when you get home your going to the cellar!"" So he walks to school. He has a bloody no…

A middle school in Oregon According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all thes…

So, a blonde, an asian, and an african american are at lunch at school The blonde opens up her lunch box and sees a PB&J. She exclaims ""If I get PB&J one more time I'm going to kill myself."" The asian girl opens her lunch box and sees rice. She says ""If I get rice more time I'm going to kill myself."" The african american girl opens her lunch box and sees chicken. She goes ""If I get chicken one more time, I'm going to kill myself."" The next day they're all at lunch and the same thin…

Teacher persuasion, failed. The children had all been photographed for their high school picture, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. ""Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,"" There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or ""That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ""And there's the teacher. She's dead.""

There is one good thing about pedophiles... its that they drive slowly when going past a school.

a father pulls up with his son on his first day of school he was a single father that adored his son very much. the father owned an up and coming import/export business and therefore did not have a lot of money. looking over to his son he could see the tears in his eyes from the fear of a different environment and the fact that he would have to be apart from his father for so many hours. ""tell you what son"", the father says ""if at the end of this school year, if you get an A ill buy you a lit…

Ed Zachary A lady was having a hard time getting a date. After months of trying everything she could think of, she went to the doctors to see if there was anything she could do to improve her love life. The receptionist explained that her usual doctor was on vacation, and she was going to be seen by Dr. Chang. She waited in the exam room for a while and finally Dr. Chang entered. After explaining her issues Dr. Chang said ""Ok, now you take off your croves."" The lady thought this was odd, but t…

Obama goes to an elementary school to talk to the kids... Obama goes to an elementary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and Obama asks him his name. "" Stanley ,"" responds the little boy. ""And what is your question, Stanley ?"" ""I have 4 questions: First, why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of Congress? Second, why are you President when John McCain got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama…

They say dad's a transvestite. -Mommy, mommy! The kids in school say that dad's a transvestite! -Son, your mom's in the kitchen.

Troll Joke So there is a kid named James who's mom died when he was very young. However, his dad was extremely wealthy. So for his sixth birthday, his dad ask James what he wants. James replies, ""I just really want a pink ping pong ball."" This annoys James' dad, as he hardly sees it as a fitting birthday gift for his son. So his dad says ""NO, JAMES! That is hardly a good gift for my son."" So he goes out and buys James the coolestq new action figures. James loves them, and his action figures …

So a teacher asks his class the question... ""What's your opinion on donating food to foreign countries?"" The African student says, ""What's food?"" The Indian student says, ""What's donating?"" The American student says, "" What's foreign countries?"" And the Chinese student says, ""What's my opinion?""

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, ""I'm drawing God."" The teacher paused and said, ""But no one knows what God looks like."" Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, ""They will in a minute.""

264 students died in a school fire... in Beijing earlier today. The most tragic thing was they all got out safely, ran around the building, and then ran back inside.

What starts with f and ends with k... A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ""Harry, what's your problem?"" Harry answered, ""I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"" Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The princi…

Law Students Why are law students known for drinking? They are getting ready for the Bar exam.

A midget with a speech impediment One day this rancher gets a phone call from one of his high school buddies . His buddy says that he has a friend that is interested in buying a horse and naturally he referred him to his buddy. The rancher said ""That's fine, what does the guy look like so that when he shows up I knows who to look for."" The buddy says, ""Oh, well he's a midget with a speech impediment you can't miss him."" ""Alright,"" said the rancher Later in the day this car pulls into the r…

College Engineer So a Engineering student is studying outside when his colleague drives up in a shiny new motorcycle. ""Hey!"" says the college student, ""Where'd you get the motorcycle."" His colleague replied ""You know it was the strangest thing. I'm walking around town when suddenly a beautiful blonde girl in a black skin tight jumpsuit drives up on this motorcycle. She takes one look at me, tore off her leather jumpsuit (which was the only thing she was wearing) points to the motorcycle and…

A musician joke So little Johnny runs up to his mother and yells ""Mommy! Mommy! I could count higher than anyone in my class at school today! Everyone else could only get to 10, but I could count all the way to 12!"" And little Johnny's mother replied, ""That's because you are a violinist"". The next day, Little Johnny runs up to his mother and yells ""Mommy! Mommy! I can read more letters in the alphabet then the rest of my class! Most of the children could read only up to 'E' but I got all th…

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying he was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and asked for his mother to have a talk with him. So his mother takes him quietly by the hand, upstairs to the bedroom. ""First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse"" she said to Johnny. So he unbuttons the blouse and takes it off. ""Now, take off my skirt"", and he takes off her skirt. ""Now, take off my bra and panties."" Johnny finishes removing the…

Mary is sitting in Sunday school... She had a long night, so she was dozing off. The teacher asks ""Who is the creator of the world and all its creatures?"" A kid sitting behind Mary starts poking her with a pencil. She wakes up and turns around and yells ""My GOD!"" The teacher says she is correct and Mary dozes off again. The teacher proceeds to ask the class ""Who is the son of God?"" The kid pokes Mary again with a pencil, she again wakes up, turns around and yells ""JESUS CHRIST!"" The teac…

Pissing on the Porch A man and woman had a couple of children who were in high school, a boy and a girl. Now, the girl was quickly blossoming into a woman and growing quite attractive and popular with the boys. In fact, it seemed like there was a new boy at the front door every evening. One morning after the girl had gotten home particularly late, the mother dragged her out to the front porch so her dad could give her a talking -to. But when they got out there, the family dog was pissing all ove…

A Jewish boy comes home with his report card. His parents take a look and see: English: A Science: A History: A Math: F They tell him he's grounded until they see improvement, but when the next report card comes he gets an F in math yet again! After thinking hard about what to do this time, they decide they must send him to Catholic school. After just one term at Catholic school he comes home with an A in Math! The father asks, ""Son, what made this time so different?"" He replies, ""Well when I…

What do you want to be when you graduate high school? ""No more than 25"" from Gary Muledeer