School Jokes

[First day of dropping kids off at school] *Hugs and crying* [2nd day] "Get out!"

*speaks at high school graduation* Your 12 year free trial has expired. To continue your education please submit your credit card info.

[2 Years into Cosmetology School] Me:[applying perfect contours] When are we gonna start learning about space?

If you plant a block of ramen noodles in the ground and water it with cold ones every day, it will grow into a college kid. It's science.

"You have to be pretty bad at math to use a calculator to check 3rd grade homework." -My smartass kid to me just now.

College guy: How do you like it? Me: Salty...of course *slaps down $20 CG: We'll take two pretzels with salt ~Get outta the gutter pervs

ME: *tells joke* WIFE: ugh, that was funny in middle school [later] ME [at a local middle school]: so have you all heard the one about th

It's a shock to me that people actually pay their student loans. That's a bill I gave to Jesus

My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.

I had a teacher in high school who always assumed we'd give the wrong answer. "What's hotter, green or red peppers?" Green "Nope. Green."

At what age do kids stop remembering how often their parents are late picking them up from school because of online poker?

im near a club thats popular with college kids and a white girl in a wu-tang shirt just yelled "PBR! WOOOO!"

For two years in high school, I took guitar lessons. Something interesting I learned is that guitar resale nets a 45% loss.

I'm not in favour of student loans. I think people should get their own student.

13 year old girls be like "I need a man who.. " Lol the only Man in your life should be Spongebob. Yallah go finish your homework.

Back in college, I used to hang a sock on the doorknob when I wanted to signal my roommate that I had no idea how to fold laundry.

Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.

The scariest room in a haunted house would be filled with people you haven't seen since high school asking what you've been up to these days

You know how when you're in high school and you get "senioritis" and your brain shuts down? When does it come back on?

*Snoop walks into a classroom* Snoop: Tell me about the Big Bong Theory Teacher: It's the Big Bang Theory *Snoops walks out disappointed*

Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screencap of your degree?

Every time student loan rates double, the price of solo cups should get cut in half.

My entire day will be spent laughing at my children because they have to go back to school tomorrow..

[school teacher job interview] Can I ask you some questions? I don't know CAN you? haha impressive [stands] welcome aboard!

The director of "A Girl in the River" went to high school with me in Karachi! She won an Oscar! This is not gonna help w my parents. #Oscars