School Jokes

My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn't even come close to my 5 year old's reaction when I told him that there's no school today.

A frittata is just an omelette that studied abroad for a year in college.

The best thing about algebra in high school is that it's in high school and I'm not.

My high school bully just made my McDouble, so I guess I won; but then again I am eating at McDonald's so I guess it's a tie.

college is a lot like kindergarten except instead of going to school im smoking weed in my dorm at 1 pm

Teacher: Who fought in the Civil War? Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ....

"Hey, enough with the damn songs! We're all studying for finals." -rest of the school on Glee

If you post a pic of the temperature in your car on Facebook the University of Phoenix will email you a Meteorology degree.

My best friend is so white she pays for her kid's school lunches.

Looking at our latest Comcast bill and I can only pray that our daughter has zero aspirations for college

My son is suspended? Yes, in-school suspension. So he goes to school? Yes, but he's suspended. Suspended IN THE SCHOOL? Yes. Idiot.

I like to shoot at stop signs, especially those little ones on the side of school buses.

7: I didn't do my homework Me: why not? 7: they told us to write about the new president Me: so? 7: you told me not to cuss

Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.

My suit made entirely of Hello Kitty Bandaids did not help me much at my hospital interview. Apparently you have to go to medical school.

I've never dumped a girl. I always lay them peacefully in a field to be discovered by school children

Nothing is worse than having jock itch. ESPECIALLY within 100 ft of a school or playground.

Starting to think the frog dissection skills I learned in high school are never going to pay off.

Dear High School Reunions, You are now obsolete. Please contact facebook with any questions.

A cat is the animal equivalent of the girl who hated you for no reason in high school.

My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I'm fearful of her college days.

And on the 7th day God rested, but the children did not rest. So on Monday God made school and He sent the kids and all the people rejoiced.

Cats are just dogs who've been to drama school.

A teacher is always just one loud fart away from losing control of a classroom.

Officer: "Do you know why I'm standing here?" Me: "You got all C's in High School?"