School Jokes

School buses are the clock blockers of my morning commute.

Why was a 9 year old allowed on a shooting range. In my school yoyo's were banned after Jenny got a black eye doing an 'Around the World'

"Son, would you like to go to college some day, or would you like to keep ordering guac? Your choice."

My kid sold your honor student a quarter ounce of oregano.

Chopped: College Edition. "In your mystery basket: Ramen Noodles, coffee, crippling debt, a worthless degree. Chefs, you have 30 minutes."

I read an article about how much college will cost in 20 years so I'm scraping some paint chips off the house for my daughter to snack on.

College was the most expensive nap I ever took.

my high school class voted me "most likely to hover over the snack table at the ten year reunion"

Kate who dumped me at junior school now wants me to like her interior decorating Facebook page. How the tables have turned Kate.

I got 99 problems and they're all friend requests from people I didn't like in high school.

My spanish class in high school should have had a bit less "Where is the bathroom" and a bit more "She was dead when we got here".

ME: my dog ate my homework TEACHER AT MY DOG FOOD CULINARY SCHOOL: that is good

welcome to fireman school. raise ur hand if you thought this was firefighter school *all hands raise* wrong *lights self on fire* FIREMAN

[Classroom in 2064] Student: So how did the war start? Teacher: Well you see, Seth Rogen and James Franco made a movie..

Me: I don't like online shopping. I'm old school. I need to touch it, smell it, taste it. Her: I still need you to leave our lingerie store.

Are people in culinary school required to do dessertations?

They should punish kids who do well in school with more homework to prepare them for what happens to people who are efficient at their jobs.

I wish I could re-enact the fantasy scenes from 50 shades of grey. Like the one where she gets a job right after college

My daughter, filling out a college app, called me at home to get my home number. Big shout out to the ex-wife for pissing in my gene pool.

I bought theater food once. Long story short my son will no longer be going to college..

Yoda says words out of order because his college English class was at 7 am. He never went once - "very early, it is" he would say

FOUNDER OF HOGWARTS: okay, so we all know there are four types of kid. brave, smart, evil and miscellaneous. SCHOOL BOARD: yes, continue.

Getting laughs on Facebook is like going down to the elementary school and dunking on the six foot goals.

I'm at my most nurturing when I'm plotting a way to drop my 12 yr old at school 3 days early.

Cosmetology school was a real letdown. Anyone wanna buy a spacesuit?