Kate Jokes

[3rd date] Kate: You wanna come back to mine for coffee? Ian: Sure! Kate: Have you got any condoms? Ian: Do you not know how to make coffee?

Kate on Facebook can't believe the ordacity of some people. I can't believe the audacity of people who use big words that they can't spell.

WIFE: I'm tired of you living in a fantasy world ME: *imagining she's Kate Upton* You always say that, Kate WIFE: Who is Kate? WHO IS KATE?

Doctor: "Well, Mrs Jones, you are eating for two now!" Kate: "I'm pregnant?!" Doctor: "No. You have a tapeworm."

Kate Upton's chest beefers ain't just a carnal thing. It's about beauty. Same as starin' at the American flag, wavin' at dusk.

Kate who dumped me at junior school now wants me to like her interior decorating Facebook page. How the tables have turned Kate.

The Three Daughters There once was a very successful farmer with 3 beautiful daughters daughters, all in high school. It was a Friday night, and they all had dates. The farmer, wanting to protect his girls, made sure to talk to the boys before letting his daughters out to go on the dates. The first boy came to the house and greeted the farmer. ""Hi! My name is Bill, I'm here to pick up Jill so we can go have a picknick on the hill."" The farmer got Jill and the couple left. A few minutes later, …

The first time I made love to Kate I thought of my late wife, Susan. I thought, this'll teach her to be late

The British have such a command of decorum and aplomb to which we can only aspire. His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly. ""May I ask you a question, My Lord?"" ""Go ahead, Carson ,"" said His Lordship. ""I am doing the crossword in The Times and found a word the exact meaning of which I am not too certain."" ""What word is that?"" asked His Lordship. ""Aplomb,"" My Lord. ""Now that's a difficult one to explain. I would say it is self-assurance or comple…

Hi, my name is Kate. I am 12 and I am still a virgin... does that mean my dad is gay?

""After 15 years of marriage........."" After 15 years of marriage, Kate leaves her husband Danny. Danny lost everything to his X wife, so thinking he's going insane he takes a little walk through the forest. As he was walking his foot hits a lamp and a genie comes out. The genie says, ""I'll give u 3 wishes, BUT everything you get your wife gets two times as much. Danny wishes for a car and his wife got two times as many cars. Then he wished for a house and his wife got two houses. Then Danny a…

(NSFW) All the little children were virgins... .. Except for Kate, her daddy couldn't wait

Once there was a guy named Jim Sloan... He had a very interesting pet in town. His pet was a rock named Teddy who allegedly could move on his own and loved to eat sugar. There was another man in the same town named James . James had a pet too but his pet was an Iguana. This Iguana was named Kate. James was also Jim's long time rival in the town. One day, James challenged Jim to a race between their pets. Jim of course only makes his income through his pet rock so of course he obliges. Everyone i…

Kate Middleton's gynacologist is getting a Knighthood The amount of Royal cunts he's put up with he probably deserves it.

Nate: ""Hey what's the weather like out there?"" Kate: ""I don't know. I'll tell you when it clears.""

Be verbs. The teacher asked the class to stand one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs. "She is beautiful", said Kate. "My dogs are fat", shouted Mark. "I is...", stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted. "You always say 'I am'. Never say 'I is'", said she. As fast as he could, Joe uttered, "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

So I met this girl at a party. Kate. She's really awesome and about as gorgeous as they come. Anyway, we went out a couple times and really hit it off and I eventually asked her to be my girlfriend about a month later... Then just a couple weeks ago this other girl, Edith, started working at the hospital in the same department as me and had been showing quite a bit of interest. She's just as awesome and attractive as Kate but she has a little more of a bad girl streak in her (which is my krypto…

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN Names =========== If Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice go out for lunch, they will call each other Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice. If Fred, Luke, Bradley, and Jeff go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla. Eating Out =========== When the bill arrives, Fred, Luke, Bradley, and Jeff will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they wan…

A man married two women, Kate for her money, an Edith for her body. He regularly spent 2 weeks of each month at each wife's home and of course neither Kate nor Edith was aware of the other wife. One day, he slipped up and Kate found phone messages to Edith. Kate called Edith and after talking a bit, both reported him and he was arrested. The charges: having his Kate and Edith too.

So I met this girl at a party. Kate. She's really awesome and about as gorgeous as they come. Anyway

The teacher asked the class to stand ...one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs. "She is beautiful", said Kate. "My dogs are fat", shouted Mark. "I is...", stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted. "You always say 'I am'. Never say 'I is'", said she. As fast as he could, Joe uttered, "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Did you guys hear about that pastor who refused to perform a Full House themed lesbian wedding? Apparently he didn't want to marry Kate and Ashley.

Sitting up in bed one night, a wife said: "I think it would be really romantic if when I die, I could be buried in my wedding dress." Without looking up from his book, the husband replied: "Then you'd better hope you die of some wasting disease." A guy said to his friend: "My wife is the double of Kate Moss. Kate is eight stone and my wife is sixteen stone." WOMEN