Edith Jokes

Hot Dogs (as told by my Granny) Two older English ladies finally get to visit America. They decide they want to try some authentic American food for the first time. Edith says, ""I've heard that hot dogs are about as American as it gets."" ""Oh yeah?"" says Mabel. ""Sounds different, but I guess we should try it then."" So they go into a cafe and both of them order jumbo hot dogs. They sit down at a table, and Edith slowly unwraps hers and looks at it aghast. "" Oh dear, Mabel! What part of the …

Looking Good Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, ""Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years."" ""Oh,"" said Mom, horrified. ""I hope I didn't look like this 20 years ago.""

An 80 year old couple is watching Jeopardy when a Viagra commercial comes on... The husband says with a smile, ""You know what, Edith? I'm gonna go to the doctors office tomorrow and get some of that Viagra."" Edith says, ""Well you better make an appointment for me too."" Her husband replies, ""Naw honey, I'm the only one who has to take the stuff."" Edith says, ""I'm not going for the pills. If you're gonna try and use that rusty old thing on me, I'm gonna need a tetanus shot!""

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed. He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases. On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things. On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining roo…

In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math. Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.

So I met this girl at a party. Kate. She's really awesome and about as gorgeous as they come. Anyway, we went out a couple times and really hit it off and I eventually asked her to be my girlfriend about a month later... Then just a couple weeks ago this other girl, Edith, started working at the hospital in the same department as me and had been showing quite a bit of interest. She's just as awesome and attractive as Kate but she has a little more of a bad girl streak in her (which is my krypto…

A man married two women, Kate for her money, an Edith for her body. He regularly spent 2 weeks of each month at each wife's home and of course neither Kate nor Edith was aware of the other wife. One day, he slipped up and Kate found phone messages to Edith. Kate called Edith and after talking a bit, both reported him and he was arrested. The charges: having his Kate and Edith too.

An older married couple, Keith and Edith, get pulled over while on vacation. Edith was driving the highway when she got pulled over by the state police. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?" Edith, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" Keith yelled back "He says you were speeding!" The patrolman said, "May I see your license?" Edith turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?" Keith once again yelled, "He wants …

A woman ran a thriving pet shop in the south of France that specialized in selling exotic breeds of bird. Her supplier was always keen to interest her in unusual species and over the course of several months had managed to persuade the shopkeeper to stock bitterns, storks, cranes and herons. Then one day the supplier turned up with a wooden crate and said: "Edith, I've got a lovely bird for you here: it's a little egret. Look at the plumage. You stock a few of these, and they'll fly off the shel…

Ralph and Edith were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edith promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edith’s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edit…