On a positive note, once Trump becomes president and burns the world to the ground, our student loan debt is essentially wiped clean

I root against my college football team. That place put me $80,000 in debt. It'd be like rooting for the bank that holds your mortgage.

If you're feeling down about yourself, it won't help you to know that Honey Boo Boo makes more money than school teachers.

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I'm going to save so much money on college.