School Jokes

Kids used to call me "four eyes" in school. I'm not sure if it was because of my nerd glasses or because I spelled my name Loriiii.

First in my neighborhood to cut the grass and now the other husbands are looking at me like I reminded the teacher to assign homework.

I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums.

Teachers at school: She seems to be expressing an inner need for control. Teachers at a bar: I want to punch that kid in the face.

Hi, 911? I see someone from high school in this coffee shop and they're the type to corner & chat me up and I don't know what to do HI LAURA

Apparently my 6yo old son went to school with a Spiderman costume under his clothes. The students of Edison Elementary are safe today.

at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed

Man, my car is so fast, it could outrun a man combined with a horse "You mean Centaur, right?" Ohhh somebody went to college ooohh

My 6yo's homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep that teacher knows about DUIs alright!

One time my dad caught me doing homework and made me eat an entire pack of calculators

*opens car door to drop kid off at school & sees kool aid instead* If you're here then.. [cut to kid bursting through a wall like 'oh yeah']

I like to help my children think up cruel nicknames for the other kids at their school.

Sorry I burnt your degree from the University of Phoenix thinking that a better degree would rise from its ashes.

Kudos to Mattel for making Barbie reflect the average woman! I'm buying the one with massive student loan debt & a fear of cement trucks.

"You'll have more fun in high school, Zach."nn"You'll have more fun in college, Zach."nn"You'll have more fun in Hell, Zach."

"why aren't you in school?" "i'm too cool for school, officer." *checks cop computer* "checks out, youre free to go." kid is undercover nerd

It's like my teeth got in trouble in school & aren't allowed to sit together.

I dont have a "college fund" bc my youngest will most likely get a scholarship and my oldest thinks all dogs are boys and all cats are girls

I've been wearing the same clothes for almost 7 years now because a girl wrote "never change" in my middle school year book.

My high-school wrestling coach called me "the raccoon" cause I was small but feisty and ate garbage and gave people lyme disease

Every minivan without an honor student bumper sticker should be required to have one that says, "My child is a disappointment."

Mom: Time to wake updog. Son: *groggily* What's updog? Mom: Just waking you up for school, dog, what's up wit u? Dad (from hallway): OWNED

My dream job? That's easy: Be one of those Muppets that sit up in balcony making fun of everyone. That's Old School Twitter.

the most efective way to clean ur room, start a creative project, run errands, cook, brush ur teeth and take a shower is to study for a exam

So many people have the name of their university in their bio. "Nice to meet you, this is who tricked me out of 50 thousand dollars"