I'm not proud of this, but if the price is right, I'll buy your high school kid alcohol.

*man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school* *teacher walks towards man* "are you expecting a child?" "no thats from all the beer"

Little Johnny : I like the way you think An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, ""If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?"" One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, ""None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all fly away."" The teacher congratulates her on her correct answer. Little Johnny, however, disagreed. He said, ""No, there would be one --the one that the farmer shot."" …

Two Parents Want to Adopt a Child... so they head down to adoption agency. They say to the matron, ""We'd like to adopt a child please."" She responds, ""Well, we only have one child left. And he's a head."" ""What?"" ""He has no arms or legs. He's really just a head, poor thing."" But the new parents decide they want him anyway. So they take him home, and he has a great childhood. He does well in school, learns to overcome his disability, and his parents support him. Eventually, he turns 21 and…