School Jokes

It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces to the class that they will learn to speak like grownups this year. To demonstrate, she asks the kids what they did this summer. The first child says, ""I went on a choo-choo train ride."" ""No,"" the teacher says, ""you went on a train ride."" The second child says ""I went on a tug-tug boat ride."" ""No,"" the teacher says, ""you went on a boat ride."" The third child says, full of pride, ""I read a book."" ""Which one?"" asks the teacher…

I saw two kids fighting in the elementary school playground this morning. Being the only adult around, I had to step in. They did not stand a chance.

What is the worst part of a prostate exam? Feeling the doctor's hands on your shoulders.

A Little Black Jewish Boy says to his father, ""daddy, am I more black or more Jewish?"" Why do you ask? Says the dad. The boy says, ""well a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I should haggle him down to $75 or just steal it""

Welcome to the school of hard knocks... You'd better hope your front door can take it!

I was in the process of making a cucumber salad for an important culinary exam. I was in the proccess of making a cucumber salad for an important culinary exam. I went and grabbed the last cucumber from the refrigerator, but on my way back I tripped. The cucumber fell into some brine, and by the time I'd fished it out it was to late. Now I've got a real pickle in my hands.

which organ of the human body expands to 10 times Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: ""Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. ""Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"" Mary stands up, blushing furiously. ""How dare you ask such a question?"" she says. ""I'm going to complain to …

When I was in high school, I was part of the French club. We didn't really do anything, but every once in a while, we'd surrender to the German club.

My son, you were thrown out of school today for letting a girl jerk you off. Son, that's three schools this year... Maybe teaching isn't for you.

Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school? A: How should I know? I just fly the drones. A lot of you probably heard this before. I heard it for the first time and felt like sharing

A teacher receives a phone call shortly before the school day starts Caller: Mr. Brown, my son James will not come to school today because he is sick. Teacher: Who am I speaking to please? Caller: I am my father.

I take the bus to school So every morning I take the bus to campus. On the way, it stops by the local prison. This morning, while we were stopped by the prison, I heard a loud crash. I look to my right and I see what used to be a window, now shattered. I'm looking at the window, and I see some rope fly out. Following the rope, I see an inmate. A rather small inmate. As a matter of fact, the man was a dwarf. I stared at him in awe. As he made his way down the rope towards freedom, he notice me ob…

A Gengar floats into a bar... The bartender serves her a drink and she gulps it down and begins to cry. Not wanting to make things worse the bartender moves down to a patron Hypno who is watching the TV and serves him another drink. ""I wonder what's got her down?"" the bartender asks the patron. ""Oh I used to go to school with her. She got picked on quite a lot back then. The way the kids treated her was just Ghastly. I'm sure those years really Haunter.""

I went to the doctor today for a prostate exam. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, until I realized both his hands were on my shoulders.

My grandmother is an inspiration! At 84 years old she went to medical school. She's a cadaver.

Once upon a time ... Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him ""you are driving me crazy Basheer""... One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career... The mother could not accept such a feed bac…

A dumb married couple lived on a farm... The dimwitted couple just got back from the hospital with their new born twins they have yet to name. Wife - ""What should we name our children?"" Husband - ""How about john and Jane?"" Wife - ""No no that's to unoriginal."" The couple argued for a full day on what to name their twins but could not come to a agreement. Husband - ""Okay I got it! I'll run out the back door and you run out the front door and the first thing we see we will name the twins."" …

Grandpa looks at his grandson and says, ""Go hide! Your teacher is here because you skipped school today."" The grandson says, ""No, you go hide. I told her you were dead!""

If you sit on your hands 15 minutes before filling in an exam, it feels like somebody else is disappointing for your teacher. Edit: grammar

Tyrone's First Day of School Tyrone's first day in the first grade he came home crying. When his mother asked why, he replied, ""The teacher told us to say our ABC's and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to the letter E. Why is that? His mom said, ""Because you black and they white."" The next day Tyrone was crying again. ""What's wrong today, Tyrone?"" his mother asked. Tyrone said, ""Teacher told us to count to 100 and all the little white boys did but I could only …

While sitting in class, Johnny had to go to the bathroom. After finding a stall and relieving himself, he is mortified for there is no toilet paper left. Having little other choice, he uses his hands. When he walked back to class he kept his hands cupped together. Because of this, Johnny received strange looks. One student finally came up to his desk and asked, ""Whatcha got in your hands?"" Johnny replied, ""I caught a leprechaun, but he's too shy I can't show you, he could run off."" The stude…

A teacher asked her class what their favorite letter was. A student raised his hand and said ""g"" Why is that Angus??

Dave worked at a circus school... Normally, he teaches kids how to juggle or do cartwheels but it wasn't all that interesting. One day, he decides to teach the kids something a bit more exciting so he brought in a cannon. Long story short - he was fired.

My wife enrolled in a North Korean cooking school 2 years ago. ""She must cook great Asian food by now."" ""Actually, they've only just covered the life and teachings of Kim Jong-il.""

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say ""I am beautiful"", which tense is it? Student: Obviously it is the past tense.