School Jokes

Two brothers go to Catholic school... ... and they are always getting into trouble. But whenever they get caught in their mischief, the older boy, Frank, says to the younger, Henry, ""It'll be ok, as long as we stick together."" And even though Henry is much more nervous than Frank, this always gives him the confidence to withstand the latest round of scolding. One day, the boys do something REALLY bad, and they get called to the headmaster's office. Henry is very anxious. ""Frank,"" he says, ""…

Student: In 2016 people would jump in front of trains for a cause they considered worth fighting for. Teacher: Eh, no. Those weren't trains, they were *bandwagons*, and they didn't jump in *front* of them either.

When I was a young boy, I was bad at Maths I was so bad that I was expelled from my school for failing that subject so often. Because of this, my father sent me to Catholic school and after going for a year, my grades improved. The reason being, the second I walked through that door and saw the guy nailed to the fricking plus sign, I knew this school meant business.

Little Steve runs to his mom ""Mommy mommy, other boys at school are calling me gay all the time"" Mom: ""Why don't you try calling them names too?"" Steve: ""I can't, they're so beautiful""

A boy learned about abortion is school one day... When the boy got home he found his parents on the couch. ""Mom, Dad, what do you think about abortion?"" He asked. ""I don't know,"" replied his dad, ""ask your sister."" ""I don't have a sis-"" (Thanks to my friend, Alex, for telling me that joke.)

My first middle-school football game was just like the time i lost my virginity. Bloody and dirty, but at least my dad came.

A kindergarten teacher asked her students what part of the body grew 10x its size when stimulated. All of the students stayed quiet until Little Susie stood up and said, ""I'm going to tell my mommy and daddy what you're teaching us!"" The teacher didn't answer her and asked the class again, ""What part of the body grows 10 times its size when stimulated?"" Little Susie began to turn red in the face and said, ""My parents are going to tell the principal and have you fired!"" Again, the teacher i…

Something Exciting The third-grade class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Davey, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Davey walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat ba…

Teacher: Where is the English Channel? Student: I don't know, my tv doesn't pick it up

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, ""Why is that, Angus""

My mum said that if I don't get off reddit and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

A Zen student asked his master, ""Is it OK to use email?"" ""Yes,"" replied the master, ""But no attachments.""

I tried to offer my school administrator a bribe But he was too principled

Back when Einstein was giving lectures to Universities, he traveled by car. During one journey to a certain university, his driver remarked ""Dr. Einstein, I have heard you deliver that lecture over 20 times. I know it by heart and I am certain I could give it myself."" Einstein thought for a bit and replied ""Well, I'll give you the chance. They don't know me at the next University, so when we get there, I'll put on your cap, and you introduce yourself as Dr. Einstein and give the lecture"". Su…

Calculus should be taught in every high school around the world. It is such an integral field of math.

so a law school student walks into a bar- -exam and walks out a lawyer! good job I'm so proud of him.

Two of the Trump children were cheating on an exam.. The first question was ""Old MacDonald had a ______."" Eric tried to see Tiffany's paper, couldn't, so whispered ""Tiffany, what's the answer to number 1?"" She rolled her eyes and said ""You are the stupid one of the family. It's Old MacDonald had a farm, everyone knows that."" ""Oh right!"" said Eric. He hesitates a minute then whispers ""Hey Tiffany, how do you spell farm?"" She rolls her eyes again, ""Wow, you really are dumb. They tell yo…

The trouble with Harry What Starts with F and ends with K? A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ""Harry, what's your problem?"" Harry answered, ""I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"" Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situ…

Here's the best joke I know The American School System

A history professor was given a boring lecture about Russian dictators Finally, an exasperated student exclaimed,""stop, you're putin me to sleep""

Teacher gave the second grade the homework to, ""dream big."" The next day, Toby recited, ""I want to be a computer genius like Riley Poole, and hack things and be a millionaire."" The class gasped in awe. Tammy followed. ""I want to save lives like Captain Sully, and be a hero."" Everyone cheered. Jenna, the blonde, said, ""I want to be like the waitress at the soda shop and serve people."" Teacher looked at Jenna, the blonde, in stupor while the class laughed and ridiculed her. A bawdier child…

I just finished my exam on communism I really hope I get good Marx

One day in a well known university, a senior psychology professor started his class on a very serious topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the whistler's name. As usual and as expected no one answered. The professor peacefully kept the pen in his pocket and picked up his bag. Saying that, the lecture ends here and that was enough for the day, he started moving towards the gate of the class. Students were overjo…

I really suck at school, the only time I got an A+ is at the blood test.

Black kids play NBA 2K... and then go to the basketball court to be like their favorite player. White kids play Call of Duty, then go to school to get the highest kill streak possible.