Catholic School Jokes

It's funny how Gina who cheated on me in 9th grade because I was "too much of a prude" is now a Catholic school teacher.

A Classic! A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school. After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, and went right past them straight to his room, where he quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in …

Little Jewish boy that can't understand math Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School. The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!! They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied,"" When I saw what they did to…

A Jewish boy comes home with his report card. His parents take a look and see: English: A Science: A History: A Math: F They tell him he's grounded until they see improvement, but when the next report card comes he gets an F in math yet again! After thinking hard about what to do this time, they decide they must send him to Catholic school. After just one term at Catholic school he comes home with an A in Math! The father asks, ""Son, what made this time so different?"" He replies, ""Well when I…

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil. Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?' When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty!' shouted Susie. The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.. A little later the Nun asked Su…

[Long] Xavier and the new kid One day, there was a boy named Xavier in the seventh grade in a Catholic school. He was intelligent, and a great kid. He always wanted to help people out. One day, there was new club at his school in which students could give a tour to new students, so that they would understand how the school worked. Xavier signed up. A week later, a new student arrives and Xavier is told to give him a tour of the school. He is excused from class and goes to the main office, and he…

Two brothers go to Catholic school... ... and they are always getting into trouble. But whenever they get caught in their mischief, the older boy, Frank, says to the younger, Henry, ""It'll be ok, as long as we stick together."" And even though Henry is much more nervous than Frank, this always gives him the confidence to withstand the latest round of scolding. One day, the boys do something REALLY bad, and they get called to the headmaster's office. Henry is very anxious. ""Frank,"" he says, ""…

When I was a young boy, I was bad at Maths I was so bad that I was expelled from my school for failing that subject so often. Because of this, my father sent me to Catholic school and after going for a year, my grades improved. The reason being, the second I walked through that door and saw the guy nailed to the fricking plus sign, I knew this school meant business.

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School. After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and l…

How Timmy Learned Math There was a little boy named Timmy who was horrible at math, and no matter what his parents did he just couldn't do it. So, Timmy's parents decide to send him to a local Catholic School which was said to be the best school in the neighbourhood. After his first day of Catholic school, Timmy sprinted past his parents and up the stairs into his room! He stayed in his rooms for hours in complete silence, only leaving to have dinner before rushing back upstairs! When his parent…

Little Timmy was struggling very hard with his math classes. His parents did everything and anything to help their son...private tutors, teacher meetings, and even asking the local Asian kid. Nothing worked. Finally, in a last ditch effort they enrolled him into a small Catholic school to see if the nun's strict curriculum would do the trick. At the end of the first day of school the boy walked in with a stern expression on his face, and walked right past the parents and went straight to his roo…

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School. After the firstday, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books & papers are spread out all over the room and…

Getting the message a cross... A boys parents were worried about their son not wanting to learn maths at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. The parents are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end…

Boy pokes girl with a pencil A boy sits behind a girl he likes in Catholic school and he shows it by poking her in the back with a pencil. One day during class the teacher asks: ""Who was the one that created the universe?"" The boy pokes the girl with his pencil and she jumps up and says: ""Oh God!"" Afterward the teacher asks: ""Okay, who's the one that died for our sins?"" The boy pokes the girl with his pencil a second time and she jumps up and says: ""Jesus Christ!"" The teacher then asks: …

At a Catholic school, a class of children are asked... Teacher: ""If there are three birds sitting on a wire and one of them gets shot, how many birds are left?"" Girl: ""There are two birds left!"" Teacher: ""Correct. What about you Johnny?"" Johnny: ""Zero."" Teacher: ""That is wrong. How do you get zero if only one bird was shot?"" Johnny: ""Simple. When the bird was shot the other two flew away."" Teacher: ""That's a smart answer but it isn't right."" Johnny: ""Okay, how about this?"" *He re…

Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy. After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages …

Johnny Hated Math.... ...his grades were terrible and he had stopped trying. Johnny's attitude in school was obnoxious, and his parents didn't know what to do. Finally, they decided to enroll Johnny in the local Catholic school, even though they're not religious people and have never stepped foot in a church. All of a sudden, Johnny's math grade does a complete 180. He's getting straight A's, and his report card says he's ""a pleasure to have in class."" ""Johnny, your mom and I don't get it. Yo…

I knew they weren't fooling around Little Sameer was failing in maths. His parents tried everything. Tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centres, but nothing helped. As a last resort, someone told them to try a Catholic School. ""Those nuns are tough"" they said. Sameer was soon enrolled at St. Mary's. After school on the very first day Sameer ran through the door and straight to his room, without even kissing his mother hello. He started studying furiously, books and papers spread al…

Sir-mixalot went to Catholic school as a child... ... and he HATED IT, absolutely deplored Catholic school. But there was one day every year which he loved, the church barbecue at the end of the year. Later in life he used his experiences as a child in his songs, the most famous one being... ""I don't want Nuns unless you got buns hun!""

A virat hindu couple in Varanasi is having trouble teaching their sun Maths They try several schools and tutors, and his math scores remain abysmal. Eventually, there's only one school left in town. It's a Catholic school, and the Virat Hindu parents are uneasy about sending their son. But, after looking at the school's amazing academic records, they decide it would be selfish to hinder their child's education because of their religion. So they explain to their son that the school he's going to …

As a boy, I went to a Catholic School... It was a pain in the ass.

A little boy was doing terribly in school. The boy had done poorly in school his whole life and nothing seemed to work. He went from school to school and tutor to tutor but no one could work with him. He wasn't getting in to trouble or doing drugs he just wasn't to smart and couldn't find the motivation to get himself to work. After going to just about every school in the city there was only one school left that would accept him. It was a Catholic school. The family wasn't religious but they kne…

Little Johnny was having trouble with school... Little Johnny was having trouble with school and his parents just didn't know what to do. They tried giving him private tutors, remedial classes, and even sent him to a summer boarding school. Nothing seemed to work and as a final act of desperation, they sent him to their local Catholic School. After coming home from the first day, Johnny went straight up to his room and began studying. Only coming back down to eat dinner, Johnny stayed in his roo…

A Jewish Atheist enrolls his son in Catholic school A Jewish atheist hears that the best school in town happens to be Catholic, so he enrolls his son. Things are going well until one day the boy comes home and says, ""I just learned all about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost."" The boy's father is barely able to control his rage. He grabs his son by the shoulders and says, ""Son, this is very important, so listen carefully. There is only ONE God and we don't believe in Him!""

The Jewish Kid at the Catholic School A Jewish family just moved into a new town because of the fathers work and are looking for a good school for their son to attend. Since the public schools are notoriously terrible, they look to the private schools. After asking around, they learn that St. John's Academy is by far their best option. The boy is a great student and does well in every subject. Except math. Year after year he fails math. His parents are confused because he is such an excellent st…