School Jokes

Neither legal, nor logical... A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. Student: ""Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"" Professor: ""Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"" Student: ""OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it . If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll…

A man takes his young son to the pharmacy with him... While there, the boy points to a display and asks ""What are those, Daddy?"" ""Those are condoms, son, they help prevent babies from being born."" ""But daddy,"" says the boy,"" that package says it has 3. Who would need that many?"" ""Well son, that's for high school students, one for Friday night, one for Saturday night, and one for Sunday afternoon."" ""Well that one has 6, who is that for?"" ""That is for college students, 2 for Friday, 2…

Funny joke that should make you laugh A young boy went up to his father and asked him, ""Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"" The father thought for a moment, then answered, ""Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."" So the boy…

Beware of young bull elephants for they may not know what they do. In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked…

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring...

What did the inflatable school master say to the inflatable school boy in the inflatable classroom in the inflatable school? Not only have you let me down, but you've let your class down, you've let your school down, and worst of all, you've let yourself down

A college student is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He saves the girl's life, but the pit bull is killed in the process. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: ""You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: ""Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl"". The man says: - ""But I am not a New Yorker!"" ""Oh ,then it will say in news…

The following is an actual question given on a Yale university chemistry final exam

How do you fit 6 million Jews into a car? Send them to clown school.

A student walks up to their teacher. Student: ""Teacher, would you ever get mad at me for something I didn't do?"" Teacher: ""Of course not! why?"" Student: ""Because I didn't do my homework""

Getting a prostate exam doesn't make you gay... Unless you spend all day studying for it.

A student walks into class late... Teacher: ""Why are you late?"" Student: ""While I was coming, I saw a sign that said **School ahead. Slow down.**""

After the worse accident the town has ever seen A lorry has managed to drive into a school, ran over students during their assembly. The paramedics estimate that the deaths number in more than a hundred person. In order to get to the bottom of the accident, a policeman started to question the driver. Driver: I was just trying to avoid the lorry in front of me, but on my right there were 5 schoolkids walking, but on my left there were 2 kids on a bike. So i swallowed my guilt, and I decided to go…

A professor has a leaky sink A math professor has a leaky sink, and calls a plumber to fix it. The plumber fixes the sink quickly, but discovers a few other problems which also need to be fixed. The plumber is done after about 2 hours, and gives the professor the bill. The professor realizes that the plumber gets paid much more than he does. Having watched the plumber fixing the pipes, he thought it didn't look to difficult and that becoming a plumber might earn more money than being a professor…

What did the magician say to the aerial student? I work on a different plane

My mother didn't want me to go to culinary school. She said it would be a high whisk environment.

Old but gold! A country preacher had a teenage son, and it was time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects: A bible, a silver dollar, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and a Playboy magazine. 'I'll just hide behind th…

My son was kicked out of school when a girl came in and wanked him off... I said, ""Son, that's 3 schools already... Maybe teaching isn't for you.""

What college tuition assistance system program did Simba put in place once he became the Lion King? The MUFAFSA.

How do you eat a computer? Byte by byte. EDIT: Credits to u/kevin4789 I didn't know he posted it earlier, I heard this joke from a friend at school.\ EDIT: [u/kevin4789's post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3js9mm/how_do_you_eat_a_computer/?st=iyd8mqx2&sh=9e1805e4)

Rude grandma I was buying fruits at the supermarket whilst waiting for change I saw an elderly woman with a small child. The child was walking a bit faster than the woman and the woman shouted, ""Degree! Wait for me!"" I was so amazed hearing that name. So to satisfy my curiousity, I walked closer to the woman and asked, ""Excuse me why do you call this child Degree?"" The woman laughed and said, ""I sent her mother to the University and this is what she brought home...""

Did you know you can tell what kind of area you're driving in by the bumps in the road? A few big bumps means you should probably slow down. Lots of little bumps means you're in a school zone.

A mother asks her son What is school like? It's terrible, we have to do all the work, but the teachers get paid.

The principal confiscated my CD's and microSD full of songs from 1980's shoot-em-up video games, specifically the ones mentioning eagles. He said it was illegal contraband.

A girl with a peg leg goes to her high school dance... And she is slowly walking around, sad that nobody wanted to dance with her. Right before she was about to leave a boy with a wooden eye walks up and asks her to dance. To which she replies ""Would I! Would I!"" The boy is angered anD snaps back at her. ""Peg Leg! Peg Leg!