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A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom The teacher said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand.'The boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'   He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand.' So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand

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A senior in high school decides to have his girlfriend over one night for a good time.. His younger brother sleeps on the bottom bunk. The older brother says to his girlfriend, every time you want me to go faster say tomatoes, whenever you want me to change position say lettuce, whenever you want me to go deeper say bread. They wait until the little brother falls asleep, then begin. ""Lettuce, tomatoes, lettuce, tomatoes, bread, lettuce..."" The little brother yells, ""hey quit making sandwiches

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Had a friend I haven't seen in a long time visit this past weekend. We were old college buddies and went our separate ways after school, but still kept in touch and met up when we could. Life got in the way and we never had a chance to catch up until this last weekend. We spent a good deal the day before just hanging out and going over the old times until we decided to head to bed. The next morning I thought I'd surprise him with a nice breakfast since he'd have to be heading back early the next

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In little Jonny's class, the teacher would hand out jelly babies to who ever answers correctly, but Jonny never got any right. One day he decided to buy some Jelly babies on the way to school. There wasn't any left in the shop so he bought Malteasers instead. That day, he was doing great! Answering every question correct, earning himself many jelly babies. When he did, he would stuff his Malteasers into his pocket. As he stuffed them into his pocket, one fell out and rolled to the front of the c

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Difficult essay exam One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10 minutes later, and went to hand the test to his instructor. The instructor told him he would not take the test. The student asked, ""D

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A gynecologist had become so fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork... that he finally burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become an auto mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he

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A hare, a fox, and a bear have to get their physical exam for the military draft However, they all don't want to join the army. The hare is called first by the doctor. So he says to his friends: ""I really don't want to join the army, we have think of something, quick!"" They all think for a moment, then the bear suggests: ""What if we cut off you ears; a hare without its ears will never pass the test."" They all agree that it's a great idea and cut off the hare's ears. And he goes into the doct

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In His Image A son approaches his father and asks, ""Dad, would you buy me a car?"" The father considers the question and replies, ""I will, but only if you do well in school, become devoted in church, and cut your hair."" The son agrees and spends the next six months applying himself in school and church. He returns to his father and says, ""You see that I am doing well in school and how devoted I've become to God and the church. Will you buy me a car now?"" The father shakes his head and says,

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