Politics Jokes

Hilary Clinton will be the first f president of the united states.... i was gonna say female but someone deleted the emale.

No matter who wins the election they are going to have a build a wall on the southern border of Canada.

The President of the United States, a priest, the world's smartest black man, and an 8 year old girl are on a crashing plane with 3 parachutes... The President takes the first parachute and says, ""I'm the President of the United States, America won't be able to function without me!"" And jumps out of the plane. Next, the world's smartest black man takes the second parachutes and says, "" I'm the world's smartest black man, the world needs me!"" And jumps out of the plane. Finally, the priest sa…

Here's a joke the old folks on the Cuban side of my family would always say: In Cuba, there are only two channels on their tv networks: one channel is just constant government propaganda, and the other channel is a guy staring at the screen telling you to go back to the first channel.

I don't understand how people aren't inspired by Donald Trump He proof literally anyone can be president

I can't trust my heart or my brain to tell me who the next President will be But I can trust my Vegas bookie and will be talking to him in October

A politician is trying to get a horse's vote. So he promises the horse a stable economy. But it wasn't good enough so the horse said nay. So the politician promises the horse that he won't bale out the banks anymore. The horse still said nay. ""What more do you want from me"" said the politician and horse said ""I don't know how to end a joke""

President Obama is in a race with the previous 4 presidents... George W. Bush, William Clinton, George H. W. Bush, and Ronald Reagon. They are running a mile to see who can get the fastest time. Barrack Obama placed last, with a time of 15:12 George H.W. Bush placed 4th with a time of 13:57 Ronald Reagon placed 3rd with a time of 11:33 William Clinton placed 2nd with a time of 9:57 And Bush did 9:11

In an alternate universe, the President... is given an attache and told not to press the button inside beyond the most dire circumstances. Instructions nuclear.

How do you know when a politician is lying? When you see their lips moving!

In 2016 Scott Baio has called Hillary Clinton a cunt, Chris Christie has called her a criminal and Ben Carson has called her a Lucifer worshiper. What will they call her in 2017? Madam President.

A blind rabbit and a blind slug are moving through the woods until the two of them bump into each other. The slug reaches out, touches the rabbit, and says ""You're soft and fluffy. You must be a rabbit."" The rabbit reaches out, touches the slug, and says ""You're cold and slimy. You must be a politician.""

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, ""It's a lot of money!"" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office(the customer is always right!) The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, ""$165,000!"" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of cou…

I was looking to buy a truck I stopped by the Ford Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new F-150 pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to see how that new truck would ""feel"" before they become old. The salesperson was wearing a ""Hillary for President"" lapel pin and sat in the passenger seat next to me, describing the truck and all its ""wonderful"" options. The seats were of particular interest. She explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the …

A LAWYER AND A POLITICIAN What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.

Monica Lewinsky is voting for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, because the last time a Clinton was in office, it left a bad taste in her mouth.

I can't find a reason to vote for the (D) or (R) candidate for President, and now Libertarian Gary Johnson's campaign slogan, 'Feel the Johnson' just rubs me the wrong way.

A Muslim extremist, a Democrat, and Hillary supporter walk into a bar.... 49 people die, 53 more are injured

A black guy, a Muslim, and a racist walk into a bar... The bartender says, ""The usual, Mr. President?""

I'm a huge fan of politically incorrect jokes. Listen to this absolute classic: ""Abraham Lincoln was never president""!

If Hillary becomes president... ...will that make Bill the first husband?

A Mormon president would face the most difficult issue any president has. Deciding who's the First Lady, who's the Second Lady, and who's the Third Lady.

The French government has issued a statement regarding the recent string of terrorist attacks. Oui surrender

Veteran applies for a government job A military veteran is assimilating back to civilian life and begins applying for jobs. He puts in an application with the state hoping for a 9-5 office job with decent benefits. They call him in for an interview. The interviewer is looking over his application and asks him about his military service. ""Yessir,"" says the vet, ""I was stationed in Iraq and then Afghanistan before being honorably discharged."" ""Thank you for your service."" says the interviewe…

What do you call Turkish President, Recep Erdogan, after the military coup? Erdogone