Politics Jokes

Why would Hilary Clinton as president be good for the economy? We would only need to pay her 78 cents on the dollar.

Here in Britain, we've got May & Hammond in the Government now - All we need is Clarkson and we've got Top Gear back again.

Between Trump and Clinton, who is more likely to start a nuclear war if elected president? America, with the missiles aimed at ourselves.

An incredible dog A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: ""Talking Dog For Sale."" He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there. ""You talk?"" he asks. ""Yep,"" the Lab replies. ""So, what's your story?"" The Lab looks up and says, ""Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and…

How politics works I told my son, ""You will marry the girl I choose."" He said, ""NO!"" I told him, ""She is Bill Gates' daughter."" He said, ""OK."" I called Bill Gates and said, ""I want your daughter to marry my son."" Bill Gates said, ""NO."" I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank."" Bill Gates said, ""OK."" I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO. He said, ""NO."" I told him, ""My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law."" He said, ""OK."" And this is ho…

Zombie Test A secret government organization had captured a zombie. Fortunately, the disease that made people zombies was eradicated without affecting the public. Now it was time to do some experiments on the zombie. The zombie was locked in a testing chamber. Then, four human brains (removed after death) were presented to the zombie one at a time. The first brain was a doctor's brain. The zombie ate it. The second brain belonged to an architect, the zombie ate it. The third brain was presented,…

How can you tell that a politician lies? His lips are moving

Christopher Columbus was the first economist. When he left on his voyage, he was not sure where he was headed to. When he got there, he was not sure where he had ended up. And it was all done on a government grant.

A farmer buys some sheeps... A farmer buys some sheeps to keep in his farm. One day a government official comes around and looks at the sheeps. He asks the farmer ""What do you feed the sheeps?"" The farmer responds ""I let them go into the park and eat grass."" The government official gives him a fine. A week later, another government officials comes around and asks the same question. The farmer remembering the first fine says ""I give them some nuts I find in the backyard"" The second governme…

Teach a man about politicians Show a man politicians and he becomes interested for a day Teach a man to be a politician and he loses his spine

This election year I vote for Seroquel Because I'm Antipsychotic

The Soviet Constitution (this is a joke from the time of the USSR, not mine, but I liked it) A Soviet diplomat visits the United States, and is shocked to hear people speaking their mind freely about their government. When he asks an American how he can do so, he replies: ""Our Constitution allows for freedom of speech."" Remembering that the Soviet constitution also allowed for freedom of speech, the diplomat went back to Moscow and started insulting the government, and was immediately arrested…

What's the difference between a baby and a politician? Saying they are full of sh*t means 2 completely different things.

What kind of light makes the best US president? A blinkin' light

If the 2008 election was about Hope and Change, what is 2016? Fear and Loathing.

I kinda want Hillary to win the US election Just for the sheer irony of her sitting at the desk Monica was under.

Whether Trump or Hillary becomes president, I won't be living in the USA afterwards From someone currently living in Europe with no plans of leaving because of being a student.

Once upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach. One kid's parents were good business people. The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders. The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father. Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water. They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him. As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama. The president then said, ""Thank you kids for saving me! I'…

Another politician joke. A florist goes to the barber and gets his hair cut. Florist: ""Thanks mate, what do I owe you?"" he asked. Barber: ""Oh no don't worry about it, I'm working for free."" The next day the florist came back with a bunch of flowers and a thank-you note. And shortly after a policeman came in and got his haircut too. Policeman: ""Thanks for that sir, what do I owe you today?"" Barber: ""Don't worry about it, I'm working for free, just have a nice day officer."" Later that afte…

Donald Trump is on a plane with leaders from all over the world They are all bragging about how well their countries are doing. The Japanese president grabs a bag of electronics, throws them off the plane claiming ""we have so much electronics I can afford to throw a bag of it out the plane"" The Korean president grabs a bag of rice, throws them off the plane claiming, ""we have so much rice I can afford to throw a bag of it out the plane"" President of Ireland grabs a bag of bottles of beer, ch…

Why is Monica Lewinsky going to vote Republican this year? Last time she tried Democrat it left a bad taste in her mouth.

You heard about /r/politics? Or as I like to call it, ""Baby's first election.""

Donald Trump becomes the new president. Yeah that's it.

If Trump becomes president, it won't be called the White House anymore He'll rename it the Exclusively White House

This year's election is a joke. I for one, find it Hillary-ous.