Politics Jokes

I can't wait until this election is over and we can go back to calling Trump supporters what they were originally called Racists

Donald Trump gets on a train with 3 well respected leaders of carious countries. The French President, the Columbian President, the Mexican President, and an American named Donald Trump are riding in a train discussing their country's futures. Trying to out do each other, the Columbian President takes out a kilo of 100% pure Cocaine gets a tiny spoon full, takes a sniff and throws it out the window. ""Le Dio Una Mano!"", exclaims the Columbian President. Astounded, the others in the group ask wh…

What does the German President wear? Leader-hosen.

How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You hold the lightbulb and every politician screws you!

People of USA are fed up of the current Presidential candidates and decided to hold a mass boycott As Americans hated all the candidates so much, that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the white house, and the best time would become president. Bernie Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, …

Why is it illegal to commit suicide? You aren't allowed to damage the government's property.

Gabe Newell should be the World President He will prevent World War 3.

Why is this election historic? It's the first time we're guaranteed there'll be a cunt in the oval office.

All conspiracy theories are false. They're cooked up by the government to distract people from what they're doing.

Greek guy parks a car in front of the parliament in Athen. ""Sorry sir, you can t park here,"" a police officer tells him. ""This is the place where our politicians work."" ""It s OK,"" the guy replies calmly. ""The car has an alarm.""

Donald Trump was guaranteed to become president and Muslims native to America started fleeing the country, trying to find out where to head next. I don't know about the others. But for me, just to get away from Trump, Iran.

If Clinton is elected president... It will be the first time two presidents slept with each other...

What's the one advantage if Hillary Clinton is elected President? We'll only have to pay her 77 on the dollar

A boy sees the president on his way home Realizing that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, he runs over to him. He introduces himself, and after a few minutes of talking, he asks him to come home with him to meet his mother. Not having anything better to do, the president accepts the boy's offer and comes home with him. When the boy's mother sees the president, a look of anger falls over her. ""What's wrong?"" the boy asks. The mother replies ""Didn't I tell you that you couldn't bring an…

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enj…

What was the General's answer... to the President's inquiry, as to what military division has been most under appreciated during his term? ""Tanks, Obama.""

The 2016 election What a joke, am I right?

Heartbeats away from president When you're a Vice President people say you're a heartbeat away from president. But really, it's a failed heartbeat away from president

I asked my cat ""Who is your favorite President of China?"" According to her it's Mao.

The Price of Dismissal An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. ""Well, "" said the American, ""I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at t…

I had a friend... ... who wanted to do a project about youth in Asia. Unfortunately, the government pulled the plug on it.

Whistleblower reveals that the government is concealing cracks in Hoover Dam. FBI is still looking for the leak.

Spercomputer was asked to find an alternative to Clinton and Trump to save presidential election. The computer picked up a 80-year-old one-legged man from mental hospital in Georgia. When he was asked: ""How could you be a better alternative? You are older than any of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump?"", he answered: ""Well, maybe because I'm honest about it""

A hipster politician was found dead today of an apparent suicide. He won the popular vote and just couldn't handle it.

how many millennials does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Enough to protest until the government does it for them