I don't care what the FBI says, America's most wanted still sounds like an honor.

It's not called "Laura the Explorer" because if a little white girl gets lost in the woods, CNN shows up with the FBI.

I flipped off a latino guy who cut me off in traffic and now I'm polling at 8% in the Republican primary.

All I'm saying is if I were president I would make a law banning women from saying "We need to talk"