It's not called "Laura the Explorer" because if a little white girl gets lost in the woods, CNN shows up with the FBI.#Laura#Cnn#FBI#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Turned on TV and heard people talking about grinding, pumping & hole filling. Sadly, it was just CNN.#Cnn#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Watching CNN for news is like watching "Patch Adams" for medical advice.#Adams#Cnn#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Old lady across from me in ER waiting room just asked me, "So are you sick?" No, I'm just here for the free CNN.#Cnn#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.#Cnn0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Breaking: CNN confirms planes need fuel to fly. In other news, scientist confirm brains are not needed to work at CNN.#Cnn#Science#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
I like to mute CNN and imagine they're arguing about what appetizer, or appetizers, to order at TGIFridays.#Cnn#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Yesterday CNN reported that "sitting will kill you, even if you exercise" and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but living will kill you.#Cnn0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Come on CNN it's not a snow storm. It's Mega-Winterpocalypse Snowmageddon Def Con 4 KillStorm 2011. Get your facts straight.#Cnn0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
CNN reporting that CNN will be reporting something on CNN. Tune in to CNN for all of the up-to-the-minute stuff CNN is reporting.#Cnn0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Can't trust CNN? Next thing ya know Nigerian royalty sending me emails will be fake.#Cnn#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
CNN reports Hurricane Patricia "hit luxury resorts and impoverished villages with equal ferocity." Did they expect wealth-based discernment?#Hurricane Patricia#Cnn0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
CNN is running a spot called "Why Tsumanis are Dangerous". They should follow it with a spot on "Why Journalism Is Dead".#Cnn#Dark Humor0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
The only thing left for CNN to do is drop Wolf Blitzer in the Indian Ocean and see how long it takes to find him.#Indian Ocean#Cnn#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
CNN is confirming that the only news in the world today is the blizzard. everything else is under control.#Cnn#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
I have what CNN is calling 'snow fatigue' symptoms include: Being tired of winter A sudden desire for spring Thoughts of murderous rage#Cnn0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
CNN writer: how's this - my phone is missing. CNN exec: meh Writer: It was on AIRPLANE mode! *CNN exec absolutely loses it*#Cnn#Technology#Airplane0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don't Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.#Cnn#Breaking News#Latest Speculative News0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
CNN just wondered if I'm sending disasters to punish you for your sins. No, I'm sending them to punish you for CNN.#Cnn#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp