Cnn Jokes

CNN got really excited about the #TransAsia plane until they found out it's not missing so now they don't care.

What's Donald Trump's favorite sport, according to CNN? Dodgeball.

What's the difference between ""Fake News"" and CNN? I don't know Reddit, that's why I'm asking you?

President Trump and the Pope. President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place. The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying ""Never mind, boys, I'll get it."" The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the h…

President-Elect Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just stayed in place. The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying ""Never mind, boys, I'll get it."" The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked …

CNN & NBC news report (political humor) *Breaking news* A man has killed twenty people today in a walmart with a gun. The man has been identified as muhammed takbir muhammed. He is an unemployed son of a family that immigrated to the united states ten years ago from Afghanistan. Multiple witnesses say the man was yelling ""Allah Akbar"" and ""Death to Infidels"" while shooting people before police came and killed the man. It is troubling that the man was killed because without questioning hi…

CNN is like a strip club... They keep dancing around all the polls.

Not sure what to watch tonight.... American Horror Story on FX or the one on ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, CNN, CNBC and MSNBC.

Hillary Clinton made a joke about her own hair Clinton jokes: The hair is real, the color isn't - CNN

On CNN I just saw a headline that said ""Reddit Revolts"" My first thought was, ""Mr. CNN reporter. You don't know the internet very well do you. Reddit is revolting every day""

Why did CNN hire a tabloid ripping strongman as one of their anchors? Because he was great at breaking the news.

[NSFW] Next time you're constipated, just watch Fox News or CNN. They bother the shit out of everyone.

The NSA is bracing itself for what could be the single largest data leak in history. Rumors are circulating about the possibility of thousands of whistleblowers stepping forward in unison across the Northeast in the next few days. CNN reports, ""This time tomorrow, there will be thousands of Edward's snowed in.""

A Backbreaking Batman? The Movie. The story begins when Bane makes himself public to Gotham City on a news station (CNN). Bruce, snarly gets out of his chair and heads to the batcave within his minor residents. Then he suits up to confront this diabolical madman. Batman then felt a cold essential on his shoulder until BANE comes out from THE SHADOWS AND PLUMBLES the Batman Battaman! Batman: Ahh! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Brokeback Batman: The Movie. No seriously it's a Bane breaks Batman's back thing …

How do you get Reddit to improve their search function? Have CNN report on how bad it is

Man, CNN is so stupid. CNN is so stupid, when they wanted to do a report on Portland counter-culture, they went to a granite shop.

CNN has confirmed that aliens might actually be involved in the disappearance of Flight 370. At least two illegal immigrants were caught on camera boarding the plane.

Long Lost Twins There's this story on CNN running about these two long lost twins that found each other on Google! Did ya hear about it? The one guy down in Mexico, I think, was doing that family tree thing and found out that he had a twin, Ehmal, was taken as a baby with his mother back to the middle east! And these two found each other! Well the reporter on the CNN kept trying to run the story but for some reason Ehmal was like this anti-computer guy or something cuz he couldn't get a decent p…

CNN just said the world is forty trillion dollars in debt. Who the f*ck does the world owe? Jupiter?

Why were Wrigley, Doublemint, and Orbit watching CNN? To find out the latest on gum control legislation.

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to Leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview. ""Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name? ""Morris Fishbien,"" he…

You Work in Corporate America If... - You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies. - Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro. - Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket. - Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um. - You order your business cards in ""half orders"" instead of whole boxes. - When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie. - You get really excited about a 2% pay raise. - You learn about your layoff on CNN. - …

- How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile? - Two. One to launch it one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

Breaking News - in Hong Kong, a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying purple paint CNN reports that both crews are marooned

CNN Poll: 50% of Bernie Sanders supporters drink whole milk, 35% drink 2% milk, and 15% drink skim milk They all hate the 1% though