Politics Jokes

Yo mamma so stupid when she heard of ""orange is the new black"" she thought Donald Trump became the president.

So, the Presidential Election is only a little over weeks away and I still haven't decided... ...if I should learn Russian, Chinese, Arabic or Spanish Because we will probably have a war against Russia and lose, or get economically crushed by China, or get sold out to the Arabs, or get overran by Mexicans.

It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail... He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress. ""Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"" Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says ""How about a quickie?"" The waitress is appalled. ""Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."" …

Trump joke last night... What did Hillary say when she bumped into Donald after the election? ""Pardon me""

No matter who you vote tonight to become our next president.. there is going to be a blonde sitting in the Oval Office in about 3 months..

My sister would make a great politician... ...she avoids directly answering questions and always leads the blame to someone else, whether she has proof or not.

What Do You Call A Lady President ""Dad what do you call a lady president?"" ""Well son, you call a lady president 'Madam President'."" ""If that's what I call a lady president, what would I call a queen?"" ""You already know that one son, you call her mom.""

What flavor gum does the President prefer? Governmint Ill walk myself to the nearest border

What would be amazing is if The day before the election, Donald Trump holds a 30 minute press conference explaining that he concedes the office. He starts to explain that the reason he did all of this was to prove just how busted the media driven system is. He goes long and deep about how it is Hillary's time and how qualified she is. He begs us all to stop watching the news for entertainment, and instead to watch artisans and to enjoy, love, and be excellent to each other. Then he pauses, stand…

Popemobile pulled over... So Pope Francis was on his tour of the world, when he came to US. As he was walking out of his grand hotel and getting into the popemobile, he turned to his driver and said ""You know, I haven't had a chance to drive in years. Ever since before I was a cardinal. Would you mind if I took the car for a spin? It would help me feel young again!"" The driver, being devoted and willing to do anything for the pope agreed, but asked where he should ride if His Holiness was goin…

Hillary and Trump tie in the election... And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn. Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds. Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20. The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks ""9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"" The moderator says "…

Long arm of the law Will have different meaning when Trump becomes president

How many biblical figures does it take to get Donald Trump elected president? Two Corinthians.

Hillary and Donald Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery shop. As soon as they enter the bakery, Trump steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket. He says to Hillary: ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't even see anything, and I don't even need to lie. I will definitely win the election."" Hillary says to Donald: ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same 3 pastrie…

How Politics Really Works I told my son, ""You will marry the girl I choose."" He said, ""No."" I told him, ""She is Bill Gates daughter."" He said, ""Yes."" I called Bill Gates and said, ""I want your daughter to marry my son."" Bill Gates said, ""No."" I told Bill Gates, ""My son is the C.E.O. of World Bank."" Bill Gates said, ""Okay."" I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the C.E.O. He said, ""No."" I told him, ""My son is Bill Gates son-in-law."" He said, ""Okay.…

Donald Trump loses the election and suffers a nervous breakdown. After he recovers, he buys a farm and starts to raise animals to relax. Rosie O'Donnell decides to go visit him. She arrives at the farm and sees the Donald walking a sheep on a leash. Donald walks up to her and says, ""I'd like to introduce you to this pig."" Rosie says, ""That's not a pig, that's a sheep"" The Donald replies, ""I know, that's who I was talking to""

Who was the last President of China? Yes he was.

I agree with Trump and Clinton, Neither one is qualified to be president.

A hero without a villain becomes useless. A villain without a hero becomes.. The government.

If Hillary Clinton wins the election I am moving to Benghazi. At lest I know she will leave me alone there.

What's the biggest lie of the election? Voting machines aren't hackable.

Why is Hillary Clinton unfit to be president? Because she doesn't go to the gym

Only a few weeks left before Election Day in the US and I am still undecided... ...if I should move to Canada or New Zealand.

Hill and Don go to a bakery... Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go to a bakery. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie."" I will definitely win the election. Then Donald says to Hillary, ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same res…

Presidential Race No one voted in the presidential election because everyone was so upset with the shit show. While trying to figure out what to do, Obama suggests an actual presidential race around the white house. They let bernie sanders run but since he's old he takes 24 mins. Trump goes and gets a time of 14:36. Hillary is all fired up and ready to beat trump. She is hopping over shrubbery and stepping on flowers. She finishes just under 10 mins. After she finishes, she proclaims, ""wow that…