Politics Jokes

An Italian guy named Vinny comes to America to become an American Citizen... To become an American citizen Vinny has to go to court and stand in front of a judge. Vinny brings his whole family to the courtroom to cheer him on. They are a very loud and rambunctious Italian family. Vinny stands in front of the judge and the judge says, ""Ok Vinny, before you become an American citizen I have to ask you a few questions about American history"" Vinny very confidently says, ""Hey, not a problem judge…

So, tensions with Russia flair up... ... And the Cold War reignites. With both the USA and Russia standing on the brink of total nuclear annihilation, the leaders decide to meet. Both agree that nothing on earth is worth an apocalypse, so they decide to end things once and for all; with a winner-takes-all dogfight. Both sides have 5 years to breed a dog, and on the set date of the fight, a single uncontested world power will emerge. The Russians immediately find the biggest and meanest Rottweile…

The Pope Drives The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, ''You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?'' The driver is understandably hesistant and says, ''I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that.'' But the pope persists, ''Please?'' The driver finally lets up. ''Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the pope.'' So the pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hit…

Trump's last two chances to save his election campaign at the second debate: 1. Be endorsed by Dave. 2. Bring out a resurrected Harambe on stage.

I didn't believe it when they told me the government had accidentally opened a portal to another dimension while trying to spy on the Russians... But I guess stranger things have happened.

Did you hear? If the democratic candidate wins the white house... the president will be taking a pay cut. It works out to be about 22%.

If Hillary wins the election... Will she hire immigrants to install the glass ceiling in the White House?

In honor of Throwback Thursday, here's a joke from 2008. What will happen if Hillary Clinton becomes president? She will file for divorce. And what will happen if Barack Obama becomes president? He'll have the White House repainted.

The only clowns I'm afraid of... Are the ones running for president

Moses Meets Dubya George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, ""I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"" Moses replied, ""The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!""

The basketball coach storms into the president office and demands a raise.. The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. ""Jesus Christ, man,"" protested President Kubritski, ""you already make more than the entire English department."" ""Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with,"" the coach blustered. ""Look."" He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. ""Run over to my off…

A politician set out to create the most jobs Crime creates lots of jobs - police, insurance, repairs, medical if its violent crime, lawyers... and so was born the criminal nature of politicians.

Ever hear the one about the welfare moocher who used his government payoffs to live on lobster and steak? It was Donald Trump.

If I had all the money in the world to do whatever I wanted I'd be the next US president

My physics teacher told me a joke today A physicist, a poet and a politician are sentenced to death by guillotine during the French Revolution. The poet is picked first. He stands by as the blade is raised, then he is asked, ""Would you rather be face up or face down?"" ""Down,"" he says. They place him in the guillotine, the blade is raised, there is a drum roll, and the executioner pulls the cord releasing the blade... and it hangs up halfway down! Now, there was (in this story) a rule against…

So republican is running for office and doing campaigning . he was in a rural area that wasn't known to be a republican area and he stopped by a farm to do some campaigning. And when the farmer heard he was a republican his jaw dropped and he said wait right here while I go get Ma. She's never seen a republican before. And the candidate looked around for a podium from which to give his speech. And the only thing he could find was a pile of m fertilizer. S he got up on the mound and when they cam…

Talking about Donald Trump While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Donald Trump and his role as the Republican Nominee for President. The old farmer said, "" Well, as I see it, Donald Trump is like a 'Post Tortoise'.'' Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was. The old farmer said, ""When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence…

A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank …

Arnold Schwarzenegger is a Republican whose wife is a member of the Kennedy family. That makes him and his family...The Red Kennedys.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie."" I will definitely win the election. Then Donald says to Hillary, ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."" Donald goes to the own…

The Presidential Election for 2016 is like a blunt pencil. Pointless.

What do you call a government official that can't leave an airport because of a blizzard? Edward Snowed In

Hillary & Trump goes into a bakery Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie."" I will definitely win the election. The Donald says to Hillary, ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the…

A life-long politician and an orange are on stage in front of millions of Americans. What do they do? They start insulting each other.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery... Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie."" I will definitely win the election. The Donald says to Hillary, ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest …