So, tensions with Russia flair up... ... And the Cold War reignites. With both the USA and Russia standing on the brink of total nuclear annihilation, the leaders decide to meet. Both agree that nothing on earth is worth an apocalypse, so they decide to end things once and for all; with a winner-takes-all dogfight. Both sides have 5 years to breed a dog, and on the set date of the fight, a single uncontested world power will emerge. The Russians immediately find the biggest and meanest Rottweiler in all of Russia. They breed it with Siberian wolves, and when the puppies are born, all but the single strongest one are killed. It gets all its mothers milk, and spends everyday being trained in abuse to become the ultimate killing machine. Specialists from all over Russia are brought in to train and genetically engineer the toughest dog the world had ever seen. The five years pass, and it's the day of the fight. Everyone feels sorry for the Americans. The Russians showed up with beast nothing short of a hell spawn, while all the Americans have is an odd looking, 7ft long dachshund. The fight begins, everyone is expecting a slaughter. The Russian dog snarls once, and is then is eaten in a single bite by the American dog. The Russian president is in disbelief and goes to the American president and says, ""I don't understand, we spent 5 years and our best people creating an unbeatable killing machine, how did we lose? "" ""Ha"" laughs the American, ""that's nothing, we spent 5 years getting our best plastic surgeon to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.""