Politics Jokes

Switzerland declares war on China. The Chinese President is informed by one of his aides that Switzerland has declared war on them. The president calmly asks: ""What's the population of Switzerland?"", the aide replies: ""8 million, sir"", and so the president says: ""Alright, which hotel will they be staying at?"".

Donald and Hillary Go Into A Bakery on the Campaign Trail As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie."" I will definitely win the election. The Donald says to Hillary, ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."" Donald goes to t…

Why does Trump secretly want to lose the election? Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house, that's in a black neighborhood.

Caitlyn Jenner, Republican So it turns out Caitlyn Jenner is a Republican! A member of the very party that discriminates against people like her! Can you believe the balls on that woman???

Obama, Clinton and Trump walk into a bar... Obama says, ""I love this suit I'm wearing today. $3,000 Armani. A man in the top job needs to know how to dress the part, and I think I've shown that in my presidency."" Then Clinton says, ""I love my dress, $75,000 Vutton. A woman with the right character for president needs to dress to impress. I think I've shown that I've got style enought for the oval office."" Trump turns around and says, ""whatever stupid, I was born with the best jeans.""

Morality Test Are you as moral as you think you are? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest. THE SITUATION: You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flood…

The Cushmaker On Johnny's first day of school, Ms. Patrick assigned the kids to start learning their ABCs. Johnny calmly refused to participate. The teacher let it go for a bit, but then had to take him aside. ""You're going to have to do the work like everyone else, Johnny."" ""Nope."" ""Well how are you going to learn to read and write? You need to learn these things to get a job someday."" ""Don't need it,"" He replied ""I'll be a cushmaker when I grow up."" Ms. Patrick didn't want to admit t…

In 2026 Barack Obama is going through the TSA in an airport. The TSA agent motions for him to step out of the line for a random check, much to the displeasure of the ex-president. After much grumbling from Obama and even more patience from the agent, Obama asks: ""Do you really think a President would be a terrorist?"" ""I'm not taking any chances after the guy before you. My uncle was NYPD you know.""

The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of ""Euro-English"". In the first year, ""s"" will replace the soft ""c"". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard ""c"" will be dropped in favour of the ""k"", Which should klear up som…

An American in China An American visits China for the first time and finds himself in a small gift shop. He finds a bronze statue of a mouse that he really likes so he asks the shopkeeper about it. ""It's 10 for the statue but you'll have to pay more for the story behind it."" The American pays for the statue but doesn't spring for the story. He starts walking down the road and notices a mouse is following him. He breaks into a light jog but the mouse keeps up, and more mice start to follow him.…

Please stop saying Donald Trump is mean He can't even make an average president

If Trump wins the election.... I hope he leaves us for a younger, more attractive Eastern European Country after a year or two.

Bill & Hillary are on the mound of Yankees Stadium Before one of their games. Bill picks up Hillary and heaves her towards home plate. As the SS run over to help her up, One of their handlers screams at him, ""Mr. President! You were supposed to throw the first *pitch!*""

This election cycle makes me want to find a bar really badly... Do any 21st amendment people know where I can get a drink around here?

Crazy how Hillary Clinton could possibly be our first F President... I would've said Female President but someone deleted the emale.

A healthy man has a thousand wishes and a sick person only one... ... to win the election

A Blonde and a Lawyer are Seated Next To Each Other A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, ""I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."" Again, she declines an…

What kind of government does Disney World have? A plutocracy

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential Race.... and the people of the US hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted. The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: a literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the White House and the person with the best time would become president. Bernie Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, he takes about 24 minutes. …

Why is Hillary running for President? Because it's easier than running from the law.

How to sell toothbrushes Monday at school, the teacher lined up all the students and had them present their weekend homework: their assignment was to sell something and give a presentation on effective salesmanship. Sally was up first. ""I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30. My sales approach was to appeal to people's sense of civic duty and I credit that for my success."" ""Very good, Sally,"" said the teacher. ""Next?"" Jenny went next. ""I sold magazines and I made $45,"" she said. ""My a…

I clicked ""Submit a Joke"" before thinking of what I'd say Now I know how the Republican party feels.

Don't lie, steal, or cheat... The government hates competition.

If you were in a room with Hillary and Trump A news reporter was looking for everyday people to voice their opinion on the election of 2016. A man volunteers to be interviewed by the reporter. Reporter: ""Who do you support in this year's election?"" Man: ""That's a rather difficult question to answer, they're both morons."" Reporter: ""Let's put it this way, if you were in a room with Hillary and Trump, with a gun that only has one bullet who would you shoot?"" Man: ""Myself.""

If Obama said If President Obama said he was in favor of oxygen, republicans would suffocate themselves.