Miami Jokes

Just found where my wife hid my birthday present! How'd she know I wanted a one-way ticket to Miami with some guy named Rico?

Sad news from Miami today: Famous rapper, Pitbull, was unfortunately found alive in his home today according to a relative.

My grandma keeps talking about her monthly checks, prescription drugs and how much she loves Miami. I think she's a rapper.

english words that pitbull knows: -party -miami

Just checked into hotel in Miami. They have a separate pool for redheaded people. I thought we were past this.

Pack your Bags A woman was going to Los Angeles from New York City for an extended stay. With permission from the airline was permitted to bring five pieces of luggage. As the clerk was starting to take the luggage, the woman says, ""I would like you to send the first bag to Miami, the second bag to Chicago, the third bag to Dallas, the fourth bag to Phoenix and the fifth bag to Seattle."" The clerk says looks at her for a second, then types a few things in his computer, then looks back at the w…

Abe and Eva just aren't cutting it in bed... Ok. My last joke bombed. BOMBED. . Ok. So Abe and Eva? They're not quite getting the ol' magical finale in bed as they used to. After so many years of marriage, Eva isn't cresting the mountaintop. This concerns the pair of them, so they decide to visit their Rabbi for advice. . ""Rabbi?"" Abe asks. ""I just can't seem to bring Eva to climax anymore. And I know (as the Talmud says) that it is my responsibility to please my wife, so what can I do? I've …

Penguin in Texas A penguin decided he wanted to take a road trip. He had never really been out of Antarctica and really wanted to check out the States, so he flew to Miami and rented a car with the intent of driving to San Diego before flying home. Well, everything is going swimmingly until, somewhere in the middle of Texas when the low oil pressure' light comes on. ""That's not good"" says the penguin. he pulls off the highway and as luck would have it, finds a small town with a service station…

An elderly couple from Ohio are planning their 40th anniversary... The couple, who were rabid basketball fans, had used the last 39 years to have an annual foray into their shared passion for the NBA. They went to games when they could, had gone to the Basketball Hall of Fame (four times so far), but usually just celebrated by getting each other neat collector's items and hard-to-fine paraphernalia. So normally they just stayed put and rooted for their favorite team, the Cleveland Cavaliers. Thi…

Merlot. Heard this one a while back, haven't seen it on Reddit yet so here it is. Long. A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said. ""The gentleman seated over there....and indicated the sender with a nod of his head wants you to have this wine. She stared at the wine cooly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, she decided to send a reply by note. The waiter who was…

Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Dilbert, Dogbert, Garfield, Jon Arbuckle, and a whole lot of comic strip characters and their pets were on an airplane flying from Miami to Los Angeles... In the middle of the flight, the flight attendant gave out food to everyone but Charlie Brown and Snoopy. They asked him why everyone else got some food and they didn't. The flight attendant said, ""Sorry, but we don't serve Peanuts on this flight.""

Email Blunder A young married couple just got news that they were able to purchase their dream house in miami. The man tells the wife he'll go down a day early and make sure everything is in order, then she can fly down the following day. Upon arriving and making sure everything is how it should be, he emails his beautiful bride to assure her that it is all perfect and ready. However, he was one letter off, and his email was sent to a little old lady who just lost her husband of 50 years. ""Love…

A boy asks his father, ""Where's the big storm going?"" The father replies, ""Miami."" The son says, ""Is your Ami going to be ok?""

You hold the power to save them... With all your honor and dignity, what would you do? Please don't answer without giving it serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately. You're in Florida ... in Miami, to be exact. There is g…

Morality Test Are you as moral as you think you are? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your answer needs to be honest. THE SITUATION: You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flood…

I want to own a basketball franchise in Miami and I want to name the team humidy... Then when someone asks if its the heat I can go ""its not the heat, its the humidity.""

What paper do you read? The Wall Street Journal - Read by people who run the country. The Washington Post - Read by people who THINK they run the country. The New York Times - Read by people who think they SHOULD be running the country. The Boston Globe - Read by people whose parents used to run the country, and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much. The NY Daily News - Read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they can get a seat on the subway. The San …

Dearest Wife email *A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.* **The e-mail reads:** Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure it is hot down here.

American Heaven and Hell In America, Heaven is where: 1. The chefs are from New York 2. The engineers are from Detroit 3. The lovers are from Miami 4. The police are from Portland 5. Everything is organized by San Jose Hell is where: 1. The chefs are from Miami 2. The lovers are from San Jose 3. The engineers are from Portland 4. The police are from New York 5. Everything is organized by Detroit

Miami football Heh heh heh.

What did Horatio say to the pathological liar in CSI: Miami? Won't get fooled again!

Two men are at dinner Two men are sitting at dinner one night, when one looks out the window and asks the other,""Which do you think is closer: the moon or Miami?"" The other man replies, ""Well... you can't SEE Miami.""

A man approached the check in counter, he had a flight booked to Miami. He leaned over to the lady and said ""Miss I have a special request, I would like my green bag to go to London, and my red bag to go to Hawaii"" Confused, the check in lady said ""I'm sorry sir we can't do that"" The man responded ""Thats great news, because thats what happened last time""

Funny Jokes.... :) A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami. The e-mail reads: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Why did Lebron leave Miami? Because he just couldn't stand the heat