Bmw Jokes

Someday I'd love to treat my wife to some luxury items, like a BMW, a Louis Vuitton bag, or genuine HP ink cartridges.

Whats a dentists favorite time of day? The time of day he get into his BMW to go home from the dentists office after touching mouths all day

I just got cut off by a bald man in a BMW, so I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window, and laughed at him.

I got a flyer in the mail that said "Get into a new car no questions asked!" Bullshit... my neighbor still asked WTF I was doing in his BMW.

I just saw a black guy driving a BMW and doing the speed limit. I'm following him until he pulls over b/c I know he has drugs in the car.

An atheist, a vegan, a libertarian, and a BMW owner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone in the bar within 2 minutes.

Fun fact: Peanut butter also sticks to the roof of your ex-husband's BMW

My daughter just said, "Daddy, you're good looking & not fat like other dads." She's only 10, but we're headed to the BMW dealership now.

Money cant buy happiness . . . but somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle.

I didn't post that copyright notice thing on my Facebook and I've already seen SIX of MY photos of me with my casseroles in BMW commercials

"It goes from zero to sixty in 5 seconds." "Great. And exactly how much cocaine can I fit in the glove box?" - Anyone buying a white BMW

My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today and I couldn't help but admire it. ""Nice car,"" I said as he got out. ""Well,"" he said, noticing my admiring looks, ""Work hard, put the hours in, and I'll have an even better one next year.""

A doctor and his wife were having lunch... ...and a beautiful young woman walks by and winks at the doctor suggestively. She cooes, ""How's it goin', doc?"" and walks away, hips swaying. The wife, confused, asks, ""Who was that, dear?"" The doctor took a sip of his wine and said casually, ""That's my mistress Arielle."" The wife was shocked and in tears. ""I can't believe you're cheating on me! I'm going to divorce you and take everything you have, you lying bastard!"" The husband calmly puts hi…

The Horse and the Chicken One day the horse and the chicken were walking along the road near the farm, merrily chatting away. Suddenly, the horse fell into a muddy hole and couldn't get out. ""Help help Chicken! I've fallen and I can't get out of this hole!"", the Horse yelled. ""Don't worry,"" said the chicken. ""I'll just get the farmer's BMW and pull you out!"" The chicken did this, and all was well. The following day, without thinking the chicken fell into the same hole. ""Help help Horse! I…

My Dad turns 50 this weekend and I'm speaking, need some 50th birthday jokes/one liners/roast (xpost from /askreddit) Some bullet points about my Dad: * Has a BMW trophy car * Loves golf * Loves Steak * Is a Republican (I'm very progressive/liberal) * Balding (but so am I...) * His shoulder and knee have needed surgery * Worked everyday of his life since he was 15 * Raised 3 kids * Has 5 grandkids * Just got into wine and thinks he is a connoisseur * Makes homemade ice-cream that he always pawns…

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has pricks on the outside Sorry but after seeing about 5 reposts today, I thought it was open season.

If you ever feel useless... Remember there is a someone in the BMW factory installing turn signals.

Merlot. Heard this one a while back, haven't seen it on Reddit yet so here it is. Long. A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said. ""The gentleman seated over there....and indicated the sender with a nod of his head wants you to have this wine. She stared at the wine cooly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, she decided to send a reply by note. The waiter who was…

BMW tried to make an amphibious vehicle... Mercedes and BMW started selling amphibious vehicles. Soon, however, BMW was forced to stop selling them, as their customer's kept getting the Benz.

With love A very rich woman has three possible suitors for her daughter, and decides to test them. One day, she takes the first one for a walk. She asks him all kinds of questions about his future, education and feelings for her daughter. She's got a good feeling about him, when suddenly an idea strikes her. To test his courage, she jumps in te river. The young man jumps after her immediately, hauls her out of the river and performs CPR. The elder woman is saved. The next morning, he finds a bea…

I saw a BMW driving safely and being respectful of other drivers today. That was the joke.

A Boy On Date In BMW Car................................? A Boy On Date In BMW Car. Boy: ""I Hid Something Form You."" Girlfriend: ""What?"" Boy: ""I'm Already Married & Have Two Child."" Girlfriend: ""Ohhh, You Scared Me! I Thought The BMW Is Not Yours.""

If you ever feel like your job is meaningless, remember there is someone who is currently installing the turn signal at BMW.

Four guys in a BMW found a parking place. But as they approached some old guy took it. They all left the car, planning to beat that guy. Then he says: 'That's unfair. There are four of you and I'm alone and I'm old. ' 'Well, OK. Two of us will join you.' That's three agains two now. You're right... Go home grandpa, we'll handle this without you.

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.