Bmw Jokes

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine keeps its pricks on the OUTSIDE

What does BMW mean Some say Bitch Moan Wine others say Black mans Willy Post what you think

A young man was looking for work... He comes across an old lady's house and asks if she has any work for him. The lady says, ""Actually I do need someone to paint the porch."" After some time the boy returns and says, ""I've finished painting, but you should know it's a BMW not a Porsche.""

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but.. Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.

A lawyer was getting out of his BMW one day... ...when an 18 wheeler came by and ripped the door right off his car. He quickly called the police, and when a patrol car arrived he began a rant, screaming ""Cahps, cahps, look what they did to mah beemah!"" The cop replies ""You lawyers are so materialistic! Haven't you noticed you left arm got ripped off by the truck!"" The lawyer proceeds to look down and check, and sure enough his left arm has been ripped off by the joint. In complete, utter dis…

Starting salary Reaching the end of an extensive job interview, the HR person asked a young Engineer fresh out of college, ""And what starting salary were you looking for?"" The engineering graduate said, ""In the range of $100,000 - 125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."" The HR person said, ""Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every…

For Sale: 5yr old BMW Turn signals like new!

Sure, the BMW symbol kind of looks like a sphincter, but I could already tell by the way you were driving.

A Scottish joke An Arab sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be foundlocally, the call went out around the world. Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, a diamond necklac…

I bought a used BMW from a cannibal yesterday. It cost me an arm and a leg.

I took my BMW to the mechanic today after a strange light came on. I asked him what it was, as I've never seen it before. Apparently it was called an indicator, does anyone know what it's for?

What's the difference between a cactus and a BMW? I've never stuffed a BMW up my rectum.

The Jew's Mistress A wealthy Jewish husband and his wife were having dinner at an upscale restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, ""Who the hell was that?"" ""Oh,"" replies the husband, ""she's my mistress."" ""Well, that's the last straw,"" says the wife. ""I've had enough, I want a divorce!"" ""I can understand that,"" replie…

The Scotsman and the sheikh A wealthy Arab Sheikh was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carat…

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside. Credit to Top Gear.

ELI5: Why doesn't BMW install turn signals on their cars?

What did the Black owner of the BMW do to deserve jail? You mean, black people have to DO something to deserve jail? p.s I know I am going dowwwnn for this

If you think your job is meaningless remember that in the BMW factory, there are people whose job is to install turning lights

Whats the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

A Chinese man goes to the optician and the doctor tells him he has a Cataract. That Chinese man says ""no, I have a BMW"".

A Husband's Generosity A group of men is at the gym club when a cellphone rings. One of the men answers: ""Yes?"" he answers ""Hun, is that you? I can hardly hear you."" ""Hello!"" ""Are you at the gym?"" ""Yes!"" ""I'm in front of the fur shop and they have this beautiful mink coat. Can I buy it?"" ""How much is it?"" ""About five thousand dollars."" ""Okay, but buy a matching purse that goes with it too my love."" ""Well, it also turns out that I stopped by the car dealership today saw they ha…

If Cadillacs are Jew-canoes, what are BMW M6's? Jew-boats.

I would never buy a BMW, they're too cheaply made. I mean, they don't even come with turn signals.

Doesn't Sink A farmer had a really beautiful daughter who wanted to get married. The farmer hated the Idea so he came up with a challenge for whoever completes its will have his daughter had in marriage. He took all the manure from all the animals and made a small lake out of it. For whoever drives there car across the lake will have his daughters hand in marriage. A German showed up with his BMW, an American showed up with his Ford Truck, and a Russian showed up with a Lada. The German speeds u…

What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? In the case of the bmw, the pricks are on the inside.