Bmw Jokes

The Anti-Blonde Joke A blonde living NYC goes to a bank to get a $10,000 loan. The bank, of course, asks for collateral, so she offers up her $60,000 BMW. The bank eagerly accepts and the blonde leaves with her cash. She then hops in a cab to the airport, travels Europe for 3 weeks and returns (not having spent any of her $10,000. She goes to the bank, pays back the money plus ~$20 in interest and retrieves her car. She successfully parked her car in a secured lot for 3 weeks in NYC for $20.

My Car Won't Drive At Night The service department of a BMW dealership took a call. The customer stated that his car, a 380i, will not drive at night. The advisor, flummoxed at this, asks for more detail. ""You see,"" the owner replies, ""when it is daytime, I put the car in 'D' and it drives like a dream."" ""But when I put it in 'N' for Nighttime....'""

Tata Nano!! :D Good one... A Tata Nano breaks down on a roadside. A man in a BMW 750Li... stops to help the Nano driver. ""I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your head-lights"" They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a sporty Porsche car speeds past at 150km/hr.... The BMW drivers ego is hurt, he totally forgets about the little Nano towed behind & races after the Porsche... Just as all 3 of them fly & tear through a speed tra…

John is painting his house when a homeless fellow comes along... and offers some help. John agrees and tells the man to go around the back and paint the porch. After a couple hours, the homeless man finishes up. ""Done already?"" John asks. ""Yeah,"" the homeless man replies, ""but that's a BMW, not a porch.""

Getting Out of A Ticket A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. ""There's no way they can catch a BMW,"" he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. ""What the hell am I doing?…

Man in a BMW pulls up next to a kid in the street... and says, ""Excuse me, lad. If I give you 5 bucks will you come in my car?"" Kid says, ""Give me 10 and I'll come in your mouth!""

666 is the Number of the Beast This from Todd Lewis, who has a great sense of humor. We all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast. But did you know that: * $666.95 - Retail price of the Beast * $699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax * $769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul * $656.66 - Walmart price of the Beast * 6, uh... what was that number again? - Number of the Blonde Beast * 00666 - Zip code of the Beast * 1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one p…

A man finds a magic lamp while cleaning out his attic, he rubs some of the dust off of it and out pops a genie. ""I'll grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex wife will get twice as much"" Bitter about his recent divorce, the man thinks for a bit and says ""Alright, I want a mansion with a triple garage."" The genie says ""Here is your mansion with the triple garage, your ex wife has 2"" Next,the man says ""I want a BMW, a Ferrari and a Lamborghini for my garage"" The genie says, …

GTA While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. ""Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!"" ""OH NO! Did you try to stop him?"" ""No, but dont worry. I got the license plate number!""

What do you call a blonde in a BMW? Optional. (My manager from Croatia told me this during a shift)

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery. But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money. A …

What doctors really thinking? - This should be taken care of right away."" I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. - ""Welllllll, what have we here...?"" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. - ""Let me check your medical history."" I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you. - ""We have some good news and some bad news."" The good news is, I'm going to buy that …

((Sigh)) I would love to get a new BMW i8 It definitely will get the most gals per mile in city driving.

After extensive investigations and many phone calls, the police found that, despite the fact that I'm black, I've got a good job, no criminal record and I own the BMW I was driving. So they arrested me for wasting police time.

Dear lady who says she will only date guys who drive Mercedes or BMW cars, yet your father drives a Hyundai; Why can't you be humble like your mother?

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby table. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that, if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman, saying this is from the gentleman over there. She looks at the wine and sends a note over to the man. Her note reads: ""For me to accept th…

1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair 1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund 1972: KEG 2002: EKG 1972: Acid rock 2002: Acid reflux 1972: Moving to California because it's cool 2002: Moving to California because it's warm 1972: Growing pot 2002: Growing pot belly 1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 1972: Seeds and stems 2002: Roughage 1972: Popping pills, smoking joints 2002: Popping joints 1972:…

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper. ""Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name address and other particulars. But I'm not.""

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying ""I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked ""How many times did you cheat on your wife?"" The first man replied ""Lord I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife."" The Lord replied ""Very good! Not only will I allow you in but for being faithful to your wife …

Man speeding a BMW.. A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the Interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100. Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What in hell am I doing?" he t…

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery. But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of mone…

Four men sit in a bar... when the fourth man goes to toilet. The men start talking about their kids. The first one starts off: "I was disappointed at first by my son. He used to be a car sales man and he had such a little salary. Suddenly he started to rise on his job and he went to be a medium sales man, to be the best sales man, and in few moths he became the owner of the car shop. He is now a days so rich that he bought a new BMW to his friend as a birthday gift." The second one continue…

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? Porcupines have their pricks on the outside

A lawyer was in his BMW... ...when he opened the door to get out, an oncoming truck hit the door, ripping it off, and went on. The lawyer calls the cops. Lawyer (Whining) : Officer, look what happened to my beamer. Officer : You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. You are so worried about your car that you did not notice that your arm is missing as well. Lawyer (in shock) : Oh my God! Where's my Rolex?

A man finds a magic lamp A man finds a magic lamp while cleaning out his attic, he rubs some of the dust off of it and out pops a genie. "I'll grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex wife will get twice as much" Bitter about his recent divorce, the man thinks for a bit and says "Alright, I want a mansion with a triple garage." The genie says "Here is your mansion with the triple garage, your ex wife has 2" Next,the man says "I want a BMW, a Ferrari and a Lamborghini for my …