Someday I'd love to treat my wife to some luxury items, like a BMW, a Louis Vuitton bag, or genuine HP ink cartridges.

Doctor: Describe your headache. Me: She's about 5'8", blonde, and the mother of my children.

Describing a female colleague to your GF, saying "you know, the hot blond" is conducive to sofa sleeping.

I just got cut off by a bald man in a BMW, so I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window, and laughed at him.